It’s so strange when your two lives intersect.  We’re born to an earthy father & are created by our Heavenly Father. Mine collided this July.

Hospice became very real this summer. I’ve been waiting for the right time to blog about this but there’s never going to be a right time. I constantly convince myself that things have to be a certain way before I can sit down & write. The Lord has been showing me for about a month how much of a lie that is. Those thoughts are a distraction & even worse, a lack of obedience.

We went into full gear “preparing”. I emptied out our front room, stocked up on food, equipment came, my dad arrived & I started the journey of caregiver. I fumbled through instructions & learning all kinds of new things. Talk about a crazy type of preparation. I wanted so badly to make sure things were comfortable for my dad. My husband & daughter did an amazing job of understanding & doing what they could while our home became my dad’s last earthly home.

Before I forget, let me say that we had a wonderful hospice team. The Holy Spirit orchestrated exactly who needed to care for my dad. What a blessing that was. I can also tell you that the enemy showed up as well. He always does when my Father’s kingdom work is at hand. The Lord is stronger & mightier than Satan could ever desire to be. Who knew what was about to enter into my house. It was holy ground.

I was taught that when eternal matters are at hand, all of the past is washed away. People make mistakes. I make mistakes….often. The amount that I’ve been forgiven by Jesus is immeasurable so I don’t get to measure how much I forgive someone.

I’d love to sit here & share about all the injustices that I witnessed this summer to make myself feel better. But friend, injustices are part of this world. It’s a byproduct of people doing what’s right in their own eyes. My “feelings” aren’t true indicators at all. They’re a fleshly response to the junk that goes on around us. I can point to myself or I can point to the cross. I’m choosing the cross because at the end of the day, or someones life even, that’s what matters. None of us can change people, only God can.

There’s a peace I have as a believer. I know, because I have repented, entrusted myself into His care & embraced His salvation gift to be Lord over my life, that I am His child. I will go to be with Him when I take my last breaths. To worship Him, to praise Him, to honor Him. For some, there can be a struggle before death, a fear of the unknown because the peace of Christ is missing. Eternity is front & center and they’re unsure…lost even.  None of us can see inside another’s heart but we can see signs of their fruit. Fruit of self or fruit of the Spirit. There’s even times that we might see a little of both & we just don’t know….

…Oh, but I trust that He knows.

I can tell you that no matter what was done in the past, what’s important is salvation. The desire to see someone be set free from their sins is deep when you know their physical body is shutting down. I had more opportunities to pray for my dad, read him scripture, play worship music, comfort & tend to his needs than I’ve ever had. The Lord gave me & my sisters some genuine treasures. We had tears & laughter despite what we knew each minute held. We embraced the moments we were gifted. Comforting someone at the end of their life has no words. The past evaporates & the present is what you grab.

I had some cherished times alone with just me & my dad. Even when he was no longer able to communicate, he could still hear. That reminds me of all the scripture verses I’ve read about the tongue. Spoken words can bring life or death & they can’t be taken back. My dad needed life & the Holy Spirit helped guide me with that.

I’ve been impacted by the book of James and really so many other places in scripture that I can’t even write them all down. Psalm 34 seems to resurface time & time again to bring hope & healing. God’s Word is alive and waiting. I would be among the hopeless without His solid Truths. Thank you, Jesus, for pouring your Word over my heart!

One worship song kept coming up- Who You Say I Am by Hillsong and yes, through my tears & choking words, I was able to use these lyrics to once again share my eternal hope with my dad.

Who am I that the highest King
Would welcome me? Dad, He welcomed me & he’ll welcome you too.
I was lost but He brought me in I was lost but I’m not anymore, dad.
Oh His love for me He loves you too, dad.
Oh His love for me
Who the Son sets free He set me free & he’ll give you that same freedom, dad, just ask Him for it.
Oh is free indeed You can be free, dad.
I’m a child of God I am His child & you can be too.
Free at last, He has ransomed me He ransomed me, dad. He’ll ransom you too. Just ask, dad, ask.
His grace runs deep His grace covers everything. He forgives. He’ll forgive you.
While I was a slave to sin I’m not a slave to sin anymore, dad.
Jesus died for me He died for you too, dad.
Yes He died for me
Who the Son sets free Jesus can set you free.
Oh is free indeed (lots of tears at this point)
I’m a child of God
Yes I am
In my Father’s house
There’s a place for me Dad, there’s a place for you in His house if you want it.
I’m a child of God
Yes I am
I am chosen I am chosen
Not forsaken I’m not forsaken
I am who You say I am
You are for me
Not against me
I am who You say I am (This is when raw worship rolled in with the humbling promises of who He says I am)
I am chosen
Not forsaken
I am who You say I am
You are for me (by this point I was mostly crying & praying for him to hear the truth & believe that forgiveness is for everyone if they want it)
Not against me
I am who You say I am
I am who You say I am
Who the Son sets free He can set you free
Oh is free indeed
I’m a child of God
Yes I am
In my Father’s house
There’s a place for me
I’m a child of God
Yes I am
In my Father’s house
There’s a place for me
I’m a child of God I’m a child of God, YES I am.
Yes I am
I am chosen
Not forsaken
I am who You say I am
You are for me
Not against me
I am who You say I am
I am chosen
Not forsaken
I am who You say I am
You are for me
Not against me
I am who You say I am
I am chosen
Not forsaken
I am who You say I am
You are for me
Not against me
I am who You say I am
Oh, I am who You say I am
Yes, I am who You say I am
Who the Son sets free
Oh is free indeed
I’m a child of God
Yes I am
In my Father’s house
There’s a place for me
I’m a child of God
Yes I am

Who You Say I Am 

I was my dad’s child on earth for awhile. I will always be a child of the one true Father. I had a hard time putting things back into that room after my dad was gone. I left it empty for awhile. We would open the curtains slightly so my dad could look out the window when he was awake. I still struggle opening those curtains. After he was gone, I sat in my chair staring at that room wondering what to do with my hands. Such a conflicting time.

If you know someone who works in hospice then give them a hug. It’s not an easy job at all.

Thank you for reading all these words. Like I’ve shared before, time is so precious. I know what it’s like to lose someone tragically & not get that goodbye and I know what it’s like to hold onto a person as they take their last labored breath. I even know what it’s like to lose someone that walks away. Losses aren’t easy and leaning into the Healer of hurts is the best place to be.

In Christ,
Tracy

#myhope #faith #hospice