Tag Archives: Christian

A bird

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I’d like to tell you a little life lesson I learned from a bird awhile back.

I was doing some yard work in late spring and I had my back to a tree. I was focused on what was in front of me and technically walking backward straight into the tree. If that makes any sense at all!

A bird flew over my head, a bit too close for my comfort. Before I knew it, that bird was going back and forth letting me know I needed to get out of that space.

There may have been a few screams 😉 OK, I screamed. I’ve been swooped at by many birds over the years and I’m not a fan. I quickly moved out of the way and got a better look at why the bird was warning me.

There it was- a baby bird hopping around on the ground, flapping it’s wings and getting a little momentum. I was smack dab in the middle of a flying lesson. Worse yet, I was seen as an object of danger.

I immediately had empathy for the bird. It was protecting its young while it was learning how to survive. The main focus of that parent bird was to do whatever it could to protect its little one in training. In that season, the bird was the protector while the baby was vulnerable.

That scene has stuck with me ever since.

I could so relate to that bird. It took me back to the years that my own kids were small. I wanted to protect them while they were learning. I wanted a safe space for them to master survival skills.

If only it was as easy as swooping down on dangers. I would have loved a roped off construction site, but that’s not how life works.

It took me far too long to realize that my role as a parent was only to guide and teach about all the dangers. I couldn’t fully protect anyone. I wanted to tuck them under my wing…but that’s something I don’t have.

I could never do enough, be enough, love enough, want enough to create the perfectly safe environment I longed for my kids to have. It’s just not humanly possible.

There is only one perfect Protector and Defender and eventually I learned to release them into his hands.  Psalm 91 is a comforting passage of scripture that talks about divine shelter. Verse 4 goes like this, “He will cover you with his feathers; you will take refuge under his wings. His faithfulness will be a protective shield.” 

As parents we teach, guide and release. Yes, there will be dangers. Dangers none of us can stop. That’s why teaching and guiding is important. Children don’t automatically know not to touch a pot handle on the stove. They don’t know not to go by a running tub or a bucket of water. They have no idea that climbing up or being on top of furniture is dangerous. They don’t know about electrical outlets, cars, parking lots, wells, strangers, poison, farm equipment, pools, chainsaws, safety around animals, hornet nests, cliff edges, the dangers of wandering away in a crowd, the dangers of electricity and water, ropes, necklaces, large food pieces, fireworks, internet dangers…I could go on and on. Do you see how much they don’t know? They just don’t know. They have to be taught. 

I’ve watched so many parents yell at their kids for doing something dangerous. All the while, smack dab in the center is an assumption that they would automatically know. Telling and teaching are two very different things. The day of release will happen and if there are gaps in the learning and guiding then it’ll be a very rough flight for them.

I know there is no way to escape all the dangers in life. You and I can’t make the world safe. There will always be accidents and individual choices that are out of our control. Teaching them Who their ultimate protector is will help them in so many ways.

That bird showed me there comes a time when we stand at a distance. First we’re pretty close and we’re right there as danger approaches. Then we move further and further away. Entrusting them to the One who has their days in His hands. 

Parenting transitions from being very actively nearby to praying from afar.

Please hear me…there is nothing easy about the release. Regret, heartache, shame, what if’s, could have’s, maybes, should be’s, why’s, not yet’s all show up at the door when each child steps out on their own. The welcome mat you have outside is not for any of that so refuse it. It can quickly become the unwelcomed guest that stays too long. Don’t open the door!

Trust that the gear you gave them is a good start. They need to gather the rest of their flight supplies themselves. They need to rely on their Savior more than they ever relied on you. 

I wish I could tell you letting go is surrounded with promises of safe. You know I can’t, because it’s not. I can’t even tell you how many times others have shared they’re afraid what’s happened to me will be a reality for them if they fully release their children. Oh friend, there’s no peace in that thinking.

We can’t forever frantically swoop over dangers that get too close to our kids. Knowing Who’s children they really are is important. We have them for a time. To teach, to guide and to fully surrender to the Lord. 

Life happens in seasons. If this is your season of release then open your heart and both hands and let go. The same One who will be with them is also with you. Trust Him, even with all the unknowns and unplanned. Trust.

Resting in the waiting,

Tracy

Every house

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Each house we drive by has a story unfolding inside. The chapters belong to the faces of whoever lives inside those walls. None of us knows exactly what’s happening as we blindly drive by.

It’s the girl walking down the road in her pajamas with a bloodied face and beaten up spirit.

It’s the eyes you lock with that show more raw emotion than you ever thought possible.

It’s the teen trying so hard to hide what’s happening behind closed doors. The addiction that has them trapped, but they have no idea how to crawl out of the shackle of shame.

It’s the person who grabs one more carton of ice cream and chokes it down to ease the pain inside….or the one refusing to eat at all because it’s the only thing they can control.

It’s the little child who cringes at voices. The one who’s quiet in a crowd. Over looked. Full of fear. Learning to lie to survive and even worse….starting to believe the lies about themselves.

It’s the overwhelmed mom in the store screaming at her kids. Lashing out at the wrong people for hurt someone else caused.

It’s the man in the middle of the intersection who hops out of his car to start screaming at the person behind him. A once little boy turned into a bully full of rage.

It’s the family wondering where their next meal will come from or how they’ll pay the stack of bills on the counter.

It’s the one crying in the bathroom as they harm themselves. Or looking at another negative pregnancy test…or another positive one.

It’s the one who hides in the closest trying to find a safe place to be.

It’s the addict who looks at all their pill bottles, consumed with the thought of how they can get more. How many more surgeries can they safely have. How many more doctors can they see before someone starts to connect the dots.

It’s the picture perfect family with the terrible secret. They really don’t resemble a family at all. The silence is piercing. The emotional abuse is suffocating.

It’s the one all alone.

It’s the house full of joyful drinking. But the drinks are no longer an option. Lives are being controlling by them.

It’s the one who acts like they’re strong, but they know what others don’t. Words and actions don’t match.

It’s the freedom fighter who isn’t really free themselves.

It’s the one who can barely crawl out of bed some days. The pain is too much. Everyone else is to blame for how they got there. They are trapped in their own reality.

It’s the grieving soul. Struggling to make it through the next minute. Shattered. Lost. Broken.

It’s the one who never follows through. There’s been no growth in years. Just excuses. The mountain of lies took years to build.

It’s the overworked. Striving for some false type of success that is never achieved. Ten years go by. Then twenty. And five more. The work never stopped and now there’s no time left.

It’s the one wondering why no one sees what’s happening.

It’s the person burying all their hurt. They feel like they have to or it will swallow them when in fact it already has.

It’s the one who bought into the hustle mentality. Seeing each person as a potential prospect. Frantic from one month to the next trying to reach quotas and missing out on genuine relationships and the very people around them.

It’s the one left with only photos to look at.

It’s the person who can’t take one more empty apology…or never gets one at all.

It’s the person who is always the victim. Always suffering at the hands of others. Always giving themselves permission to stay right where they’re at.

It’s the one reading their diagnosis for the tenth time. Hoping somehow someway, if they stare at it long enough it’ll change.

It’s the parent who’s overtaken with grief. They haven’t seen their child in years and have to face that they may never again. Or… they stand beside a grave marked with the name they chose for their child. And it just doesn’t seem real.

It’s the one who knows scripture but won’t let it transform them.

It’s the person always taking care of everyone else as they continue to weaken from lack of self care.

It’s the one saying I’ll get to that tomorrow, but tomorrow never comes.

It’s the one full of fear and anxiety trying to make it through each day. Stuck in the cycle of trying the same thing over and over.

It’s one the who still hears the taunting voices of others twenty years later. The one who let their identity become what others falsely claimed.

It’s the one who never got to say goodbye.

It’s the one curled in a ball praying with all their might.

It’s the one who just can’t take anymore. The one who’s tried to save her family and lost herself in the process. The one seeking answers, any answers. Something to make all this stop.

It’s the one who’s always right. So right that they’ve pushed everyone away.

It’s the one who can’t out run, or exercise away the ache inside.

It’s the tear stained pillows.

It’s the hardened hearts.

It’s the spouse left with once was while they face what is.

It’s the abuse cycle being passed down from one generation to the next.

It’s the person sitting in the chair. Frozen. Wondering how this could have happened.

It’s the one trying to start over. Trying to put back the pieces of their life.

It’s the one experiencing horrific things that no person ever should.

It’s the one who’s lost all hope, and has no one who’ll listen.

It’s the person who was so hurt by their church that they now blame God.

Every house, every person has a story. Cars may sit outside. Toys may be in the yard. But inside things are happening that no one sees.

Thankfully there are many houses where things are ok inside. My fear is there are too many where things aren’t. How often do we miss what needs to be seen.

It’s easy to head to our next destination with schedules and activities on our minds. What if during all that busyness we paused and took time to pray for every house we drove past.

You never know how badly someone inside might need it!

And if you’re one of the unseen…I’m so sorry. Do you know how I could write these potential scenarios? Because I’ve lived at a few of these addresses. And the one thing I want you to hear is this- there really is a God who loves you and sees you. He is very near. Circumstances won’t always make sense, but He can be trusted. In my hardest moments is when I feel His deepest love.

If you need help please reach out. You don’t have to suffer in silence.

Wrapped in His grace,

Tracy

Willing to see

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Many months have passed since I hit the publish button on here. I didn’t know then what I would be facing in a few short weeks. So many things have been flipped upside down.

Has time slipped through your fingers too? Has one month turned into six or even a year?

I think about writing all the time (aahh…here come the tears). I can barely strap myself in fast enough before the crash happens. Too much, too fast. Too much, too fast. I just hang on for dear life and wait until it’s safe enough to unlatch….but is it ever really.

I’ve spent a lot of time reading since December. Have you ever had books come across your path at just the right time? Books that speak to a season you’re walking through? Words that breathe life back into your weary soul. That’s where I’ve been. On a journey of words reaching areas that I thought no one else could relate to or understand.

Words that caught me off guard as they intersected with the dusty road I was on. Words from one hurt filled traveler to another. Words that pointed me back to the Source of all hope. Words written by others who saw me on the ground and reached out their hands to help me back up. Those words.

Tomorrow I’ll be fifty-two. I was chatting with the Lord last night about my writing. And the night before…and many more before that. He’s the most gentle Father I could ever imagine. He doesn’t shame me for not doing what I know I should do. He continues to lay on my heart the importance of why He wants me to do what He’s asked me to do…and lets me choose if I’ll obey.

I think much of my life has been happening in a state of overwhelmed. I try to hide it, but I know it’s there. He knows it’s there. It’s from that place of overwhelmed that I freeze. I just try to make it through each day. Then the next. And the next. Before I realize it, I’m hours away from turning another year older.

Lately, I’ve been imagining meeting the Lord. My fear is that in my state of frozen I’ll miss my purpose. I’ll look into those loving eyes of His and he’ll already recognize the sorrow he sees when he asks me, “Did you use the gifts and talents I gave you?” And I’ll barely be able to speak with tears streaming down my face….”no, my King”. There won’t be any excuses whispered from my mouth because no is all that matters. He’ll grab me and hug me fully, like I’ve always longed to be hugged.

You see, His love for me doesn’t change if I don’t use the talents he’s gifted me. What happens is I miss out on so much that He prepared me for…and prepared for me. I miss out, not Him. And I don’t want to miss out anymore.

So….here’s to walking away from what doesn’t serve me. Overwhelmed, fear, frozen, doubt, hurt, excuses, apathy, negativity, even sickness- you’re not welcome. You don’t get anymore of my years.

Apart from the Father, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and His Word there is no hope! The trials and challenges that happen are potential hope stealers.

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” John 16:33 (CSB)

“You will seek me and find me me when you search for me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 (CSB)

I’m ready to see beautiful again. To abide in Him. To welcome each new day with anticipation and expectation. To set my table with His daily bread and Fruit of the Spirit.

Come on, sweet sister, there’s a chair for you too.

Earnestly seeking Him,

Tracy

An empty tree

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I haven’t experienced the dread of Christmas ornaments in quite awhile.

It caught me off guard.

Like many people this year, we were ready to bring out our holiday decorations early. We needed a ray of hope after months of Michigan shut down & worldly tension.

All the decorations went up easily & our house started to look a little brighter. Then, it was time for the tree. My daughter helped me carry it upstairs & put it together. Seeing the lights come on made all the hard work worth it.

That’s when the feeling from years past swept over me, and grief threatened to swallow me. I just never know when triggers will come. I looked at those ornament boxes & knew.

I couldn’t do it this year.

I stacked the boxes by the tree and there they stayed. Every time I thought about decorating the tree all the waves of emotion would crash in.

I went through this the first few years after losing Jake. Then, again, four years ago when a family member walked out of our lives.

You see…inside those boxes are symbols of loss. Once, they were memories & some years they are still tender memories…but this year…this whole 2020 thing. This year is a different kind of raw.

Do you feel it too?

2020 has been very revealing. Values have been exposed. Some families have gotten closer and others have watched as their cracks of brokenness grew wider. There’s something about hard times that pull people together or tear people apart.

Sadly, we aren’t one of the families that grew closer, and I’m guessing that’s the root of the struggle for me with this years tree.

The enemy tries to use our reality to get us to believe his lies. Just because I hurt doesn’t mean the Lord has abandoned me.

“I have told you all this so that you may have peace in me. Here on earth you will have many trials and sorrows. But take heart, because I have overcome the world.” John 16:33 (NLT)

Every night as I turned on the tree, I appreciated the beauty of it’s bareness. The glistening & shining lights reminded me of how we’re called to be lamps on a lampstand.

“No one lights a lamp and puts it under a basket, but rather on a lampstand, and it gives light for all who are in the house. In the same way, let your light shine before others, so that they may see your good works and give glory to your Father in heaven.” Matthew 5:15-16 (CSB)

One thing that has happened for me in 2020 is a strengthening…a deeper reliance on Christ and continued spiritual growth. He always brings good out of bad…I just have to have eyes to see it.

The day finally came… I told Jaelynn it was time to decorate the tree. I opened the first box & crumbled. Through my tears I chocked out that I just couldn’t do it.

Do you know what happened? That precious girl sorted all those ornaments. She laid out all the “safe” ornaments & tucked away the ones from Christmas past.

In that moment I felt weak. The truth is I am. My strength ended long ago. I only make it through each day because of His strength. It’s OK that she sees when I can’t…it’s then that she sees Who can.

After we finished decorating we both agreed we liked it more bare…and next year we just might stick with some berry sprigs & plain wooden ornaments.

For now, it’s one day at a time. His plans are not my plans. His ways are not my ways. I’m seeking to live a surrendered, anchored-in life. Like a bare tree…exposed, but shining brightly.

I’m fresh into a new book, Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, by Lysa Terkeurst. I’d like to share two paragraphs from the companion journal that stuck out to me last night…

“The painful event in your life has the potential to darken all of your memories related to it. But it doesn’t have to. In reality, your memories are a mix of delightful and awful, and you get to choose what you do with them. Beautiful or painful, they are all your own authentic experience.”

“If we want something different, we can try to do something different. The very idea of that shines a bit of light and hope into our souls. For now, we will hold onto two truths: all is not lost, and while the pain can certainly refine us, it does not have to define us.”

Maybe you’re in a place of pain right now. Can I offer you some hope? No matter what is going on around us, God is very much in control. Our lives might not look anything like what we planned, but there is purpose in it all….even when it doesn’t make sense.

Will you join me in laying down all the unknowns, and lift your hands high to the One who does know?

Jesus loves us so much that He willingly died in our place. He was persecuted, mocked & beaten. He suffered so we could be free. I don’t know about you, but that drops me to my knees. What I deserve, He took instead.

Even in this ever changing world, there is an unchanging Savior. That is where true hope lies, my friend. Right there. His mercies are new every single morning.

Come…let us adore Him!

Wrapped in His grace,

Tracy

Time stands still

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Loss has a way of changing everything.

For years, time flew by in a frenzy of things that seemed important in the moment. Seconds turned into minutes that turned into hours, days & years.

Many things had value and tucked memories deep into my heart.

But…if I’m honest, I also wasted precious time on things that just didn’t matter that much at all.

There’s the funny thing about time. It’s gone in a vapor & doesn’t stop for anyone. It doesn’t care about the value of how we spend it. The clock just keeps ticking.

I can tell you, there are seasons when it feels like time stops.

Grief. Loss. Tragedy.

For me it was a phone call. Years later…an unexpected letter.

The hands on the clock seemed to stop turning, and I desperately wanted to turn them back.

Eventually, I could hear the ticking of the clock again…but my reality became an unplanned, unexpected existence.

In the middle of what I never saw coming was my Savior…a shelter…hiding place…an anchor.

I want you to know…if it feels like your clock has stopped moving, and the world is rushing by all around you…I’ve been there too. Loss has a way of forever changing some things.

It ushers in different. A different perspective. A different way.

Please…don’t ever forget how precious time is. The moment we have is right now. We can use it for His glory if we shift what we treasure.

I may not understand all that happens in this world, but I do know it’s temporary. This earth is not my home.

I’m here to praise Him…even in the storms…especially in the storms.

Psalm 145

Dear friend, if you’re like me and are living days in a life you barely recognize…run to Him. He is enough. He is the way, the truth and what real life is all about.

He came down to save us and help us get back home!

Forever His,

Tracy

#loss #hope #time

Lean

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Can I ask a question?

What do you lean into?

When the push comes that nearly knocks you off your feet. When the life you never expected looks back at you in the mirror. When the unimaginable becomes reality. When the day in and day out struggle is more than you can bear.

Where do you lean?

I find myself having to do a heart check every now again to sort through my own answer to that question.

Of course my quick answer is, “I lean into the Lord”, but do I really as much as I long to and know that I should?

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Life can be a series of trials with some regrouping time in between. Each hard season has the opportunity to refine me if I lean into the right things.

My flesh wants to lean into my opinion, my own understanding, my ideas, my plans, my pain. Sometimes it wants to lean into people and all of their opinions, ideas, plans, and pain.

If I’m honest, that fleshly response seems easier when in reality all I’m doing is taking the long way around to where the Lord is trying to lead me.

If I value anything more than the Lord then my leaning will be toward the wrong thing.

Who I am & Who’s I am needs to be rooted in the Savior…first & foremost…always & forever.

Where I need to lean brings life. I need to lean into God’s Word. I need to lean into His presence. I need to lean into worship. I need to lean into my identity as his chosen daughter.

Psalm 18:1-2 “I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

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From that leaning place is where I’ll be steady enough to face what this world brings. There are moments when my leaning in can look more like a grasping on.

Do you believe that His hand is out to you? Do you trust that He will lift you out of the deep pit? I’m on the other side of this screen telling you- YES- He really truly does. I am living proof that it’s real. You just need to lean His way & lift up your hand.

Even when it seems no one else sees you or understands…He does.

These painful places can strengthen us if we let them. The enemy wants to destroy us. He wants us to lean into the wrong things.

Proverbs 3:5-8 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”

Do you see what that says? Healing & refreshment!

Friend…this I do know- our God is mighty enough to have the entire world lean into Him. There’s room for you too! How about we both lean together?

Forever Holding onto Hebrews 10:23

Tracy

 

 

 

 

Scar searching

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I never thought I’d be searching through my scars. I’ve always seen them as life battle wounds. I knew they told a story to me, but I didn’t realize they might be a place of hope for others.

My scars are sacred places where Jesus has walked.

The ‘searching through’ is because I don’t have a clear vision on the balance of how much to share. I don’t want a circumstance to speak louder than the way my Savior met me and helped me through.

The Lord has laid on my heart for a very long time that helping others gives purpose to the pain.

Each step He’s asked me to take in this area has been stretching & hard. It’s also been restoring. He never asks me to do things without Him or aside from his strength. That’s how I’ve been able to take the steps I’ve taken so far.

“Share how your oils have helped you…share your testimony” – “I don’t think I can, Lord. It’s all too close to my heart.” – “Share, offer my hope and point them back to me.”

“Write. Use the words & talent I’ve given you “- “I don’t think I can, Lord. It’s all too close to my heart.” – “Write, offer my hope & point them back to me.”

I’ve been doing both of those things for well over eight years now. I’ve stumbled, stopped, ran, and been more vulnerable than I ever thought possible. He has never left me.

He waits ever so patiently for me to learn from my mistakes. He shows me when I start to make it about me. He forgives me when I disobey. He leads me through the unknowns. He creates beauty from my messes. He shepherds me through it all.

He reveals more & more as each next step is shown…and the next…and the next.

Psalm 119:105 ” Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path.” (CSB)

sunlite path

I realize now that what I thought was a hefty beginning those years back was only a scratching of the surface. It was all preparation practice for what was coming.

Those scars that I have. He’s been the balm for them all these years. Now…now He’s asking me to show them a little bit more. He wants me to see their beauty.

“Redeem your pain by investing in others. Use your scars for My purposes.” – “Oh Lord, I don’t even know what that looks like. I believe I can do all things through You, but how do I do this? How?”

Every place I turn- bible reading, daily devotionals, prayer studies & books… it’s everywhere! I can’t escape what He’s asked me to do. The confirmations have been around every corner.

Now… I wait for the how.

I went for a walk today & was sharing my concerns with the Lord. Truth be told, I’m worried that I’ll botch everything up & not bring Him glory. Oh how gracious & merciful He is!

I’m currently reading Your Scars Are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes. My goodness… the timing is no coincidence! The content in this book is kicking my tail.

As I look back I realize that for the past year or so the ground works been being laid. Out of every hard thing came another arrow that eventually led me to right here. Scar searching.

I’d like to share a few quotes from Sharon’s book with you-

“I see our scars as priceless treasures that our Master has entrusted to us. We can choose to invest those treasures in the lives of others or we can choose to hide them because of fear.”

“Satan wants to use our past to paralyze us. God wants to use our past to propel us. The choice is ours.”

“I have always heard people say, “Time heals all wounds.” But I disagree. Time does not heal. Only God can heal all wounds.”

I’m still making my way through the book and I have section after section underlined.

You guys, life can have some really hard seasons in it. I don’t know exactly what or how scar sharing looks like yet, but for now He has me scar searching. All in worship to Him.

sunset1

My bible has 2 Corinthians 4 broke up into three titled sections:  ‘The Heart of the Gospel’, ‘The Treasure of the Gospel’ & ‘The Eternal Perspective of the Gospel’. I believe gospel centered living has scars woven all through it.  The chapter is overflowing with hope.

“We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be displayed in our body.” 2 Corinthians 4:10

The scars He has are from my desperate need for him. My scars are to draw me closer to Him. How can I not use them to glorify Him?

During my walk I was reminded again about time. The days I have remaining are surely less than what I’ve lived. I don’t want to waste them on myself. I want to use them for my God, my King…my Savior.

Do you have scars that could offer His hope to others? Maybe it’s time for some searching. I promise…He will lead the way. Don’t let the enemy paralyze you with fear. Those scars you have…they are victorious battle wounds Jesus redeemed. Worthy to be shouted about from the mountaintops…all in His name!

His daughter,

Tracy

Quitting isn’t an option

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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to quit some really hard things that the Lord has had me walk through.

It’s not easy to admit, but quitting has always seemed “easier” to me. Which is a complete lie, because all that ends up happening is I detour myself the long way around. I end up facing the same thing. The circumstance may be different but the learning and refining process is the same one I tried avoiding.

He has sure been having me come face to face with quitting…and what’s at the heart of it.

It’s when things get hard & messy…and they will get hard & messy, that us humans tend to get a little misguided.

What happens when we pray about something, read scripture, seek His direction and are led a certain way? We get humbled & excited, right? We are ready to obey & go!

Then hard sets in, our efforts don’t seem to be producing much fruit & we’re running into one dead end after another.  We tell ourselves that this must not be God’s plan after all. Sadly, this is where many abandon ship & quit.

I don’t know about you…but, goodness have I ever.

Did He lead me there? YES. Did He lay that direction on my heart? YES…and then I let my feelings start to cloud my vision.

He wants me to fully depend on him, not myself. He wants me to persevere and endure. I need to commit to trusting Him in the unknowns.

Hebrews 12:1-3

I must…wait on Him, his timing & his way.

These refining moments weed out all my plans. If I’m honest, the hard times expose so much about me.

Instead of running from that, I need to own it.

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When things don’t go as “planned” how easily do we claim we must have misheard Him. God did-didn’t-did-didn’t.

He doesn’t change his mind like a light switch. That’s usually us.

So many times we miss the character refining & blessing because we quit.

We quit on Him.

We quit on ourself.

We quit on others.

I know I shifted from I to we & there’s a reason. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that struggles with quitting when things seem hopeless.

Quitting can’t & shouldn’t be my default. Especially when I don’t understand what’s going on, or what the Lord is doing. I don’t have to understand- I just have to follow hard after Him and let his strength be mine.

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“Oftentimes God allows our scenarios in life to get hopeless—He allows our efforts to become fruitless—He allows our knowledge and instincts to prove useless in order that we will see that it is He who works within, through and for us with His power.

He does this because He wants you, like Peter, to witness Him come through for you in your hopeless situation so that you will experience Him and trust Him in the way that He wants to be experienced by you.” – Tony Evans

He refines us because he loves us. Quitting isn’t an option.

I’d like to share Ephesians 3: 16-21 with you-

“I pray that he may grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with power in your inner being through his Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us— to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (CSB)

My prayer is that you & I can really believe and rest in the truth of this scripture.

My friend, when things don’t go the way we think they should & struggles come let’s remember Who we serve, why we serve him & what our life is truly for.

There is purpose in the hard! Romans 5:3-5

Loved beyond measure,

Tracy

Oh those lies

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This quarantine time is interesting.

Back the dumpster up to my door cuz, honestly, I’m ready to start pitching.

So many of these “things” around me seem useless. Empty.

There was one other time in my life that I had this same thought process. It was after losing my son.

When hard seasons like this hit, what has real value and what doesn’t stand miles apart from each other.

My life is cluttered & I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be this way.

Take all these books for example. I love books. I read them & save the good ones just in case my kids might want them.

Do you see the fault in that? I’m making a decision for them that isn’t mine to make.

My life isn’t their life. My hobbies, dreams, talents, etc are passions that the Lord laid on my heart….not there’s.

I’m actually just leaving them a mess to clean up, and I don’t want to do that.

There are times I feel like I’m still in my thirties. Where has twenty years gone. (geez…when did thirty become young & how do I have a son getting ready to turn it)

How many of those years have I lived in the shadow of consequences. Ones by my own choices & ones because of others. I’d say each day has one or the other or even both, because someone, somewhere is always making a choice and choices have consequences.

woman sitting in sunset

Identity.

Just like I don’t get to choose my kids identity, no other human should have the power to determine mine.

And that’s exactly what the Holy Spirit reminded me of the other night.

It’s crazy how when I actually slow down, get isolated in my home, stop running around from one thing to the next that I can become undistracted enough to get fully quiet before the Lord.

This isn’t the first time that identity has been brought to my attention since I became a follower of Christ.

The very next morning, He led me to Mark 14 and there I was. Seeing myself in Peter.

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When I fear man more than having a reverent fear of God I’ve forgotten my true identity. By doing that, I’m denying my Savior…the very one I belong to.

I let the voices of some speak louder than the voice of my God and that is wrong. I have to ask myself-  is this voice sharing opinions or pointing me to the word of God?

Fear of man has dictated my choices for way too long. My very own thoughts can be just as damaging.

“What will they think, will they understand, what will they say, what if they find out, will I let them down, I should do this so___ won’t happen, I need to___ to stop___ , I have to ___, what if ___, I can’t___by myself, how will I ___, what if they lie about me, I just need to try harder, stay quieter, be better”…and the list goes on.” -oh the lies quotes inside my head.

None of that is living in the freedom of Christ that Jesus died for. Freedom in Christ doesn’t mean I can live however I want. It means that I live my days out because of Him and for him.

Galatians 1:10

Proverbs 29:25

After some convicting time in the book of Mark, another cup of coffee & settling back in for more reading, Dr. Tony Evans handed me another round of solid truth-

“Identity theft- when we worry too much about what other people think rather than what God thinks.

Worrying about other peoples acceptance of us is one of the greatest strongholds to over come.

People pleasing strongholds can lead to other strongholds.

It is possible to be more people-oriented than God-oriented.

Satan uses our legitimate need for acceptance in an illegitimate way that can result in us living under a false identity.

You will begin to overcome your stronghold of worrying when you decide what God says about you is most important.

The God, who does not change, loves you with an everlasting love.” -Tony Evans quotes from Kingdom Life daily devotionals.

Do you see how opposite the lies I listen to and real truth are?

I know this! I’ve been reminded of it so many times! …and yet here I am again.

Face to face with repentance and crying out for Spirit led help. I can’t do it on my own. I never could. I can only move forward by cutting the chain of identity lies, daily proclaiming & living out who my identity is in.

My identity is not in this world, anything it has to offer, or the things inside my home.

My identity is a saved by grace daughter of the One true King. A redeemed child.

I’m fairly certain my false fear of man will rear its ugly head again. BUT- there is no stronghold stronger than the ultimate stronghold.

His word is my weapon against all the lies.

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2 

“But I will sing of your strength and will joyfully proclaim your faithful love in the morning. For you have been a stronghold for me, a refuge in my day of trouble.
To you, my strength, I sing praises, because God is my stronghold—
my faithful God.” Psalm 59:16-17

“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1 

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: all who follow his instructions have good insight. His praise endures forever.” Psalm 111:10

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We have one life. We have our God given talents, purposes and callings. Are we using them & pursuing a deep relationship with Him or are we forgetting our identity? Is fear of man dictating too much of what we do? I know those are all questions I need to ask myself often.

“Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.” Psalm 25:5

I think it’s time to start sorting through all these things around me and recommit to what matters…AND toss ‘oh those lies’ in the dumpster too.

Gracefully broken,

Tracy

 

 

He Already Knows

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Praying in ways that we think will please.

Hiding our real wants in hopes of praying them away.

Convincing ourselves that if we say the right prayers then He won’t know our true desire. 

He doesn’t need our religion. He wants our submission to His Will. Our whole heart. Our surrender of self.

It’s been almost a year since I wrote those words above. They’ve been sitting as a draft collecting cobwebs. I guess I didn’t know how to finish it. I wonder if He took my thoughts and turned them into a few life lessons instead.

As 2020 draws near, I can look back and say with confidence that I know God was present. Even though some circumstances haven’t changed…I continue to draw closer to Him in them.

I wish change in me would happen much quicker, but easy and fast rarely produce lasting results.

Refining takes time.

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I can add more logs on the fire to try and speed things up, but that’s just it- “I”. That would be me, again, taking steps ahead of the Lord and trying to do things my own way.

Focusing on having the right sounding words is like wrapping a prayer in pretty paper. The presentation is all outward. Once that paper is torn away the contents of the inside are seen. He sees our hearts. If our spoken words don’t match what He already knows about our inside then it’s not very pretty after-all. It’s quite the opposite.

Relationships are two way. Attempts to control will always destroy and leave a trail of brokenness. The relationship we have with Jesus is not exempt. We can not claim Him as our King and continue to try to rule our own kingdom. That’s not relationship. That’s not love.

Surrender of self is nothing like control. It’s me looking at the ‘out of control’ and throwing both hands up in the air and saying, ” Lord, you already know. I am powerless to change anything or anyone. I can only change me- with you, through you and because of you. My life is for You. My talents are for You. My heartbeats belong to You. You created me to worship you, not myself. Aside from You, I don’t know what’s best for me. I need Your constant direction, grace, help and protection. Please cut off the rotten roots in me that lead to sin. Fill me with Your Spirit every hour.”

Submission, surrender…obedience- they are the polar opposite of what the world tells me to do with my life. Those are precious gifts I can give to the One who loves me so much that He paid the debt I could never pay.

Jesus Paid It All 

My steps are always one day closer to being home with Jesus. He hasn’t left me to myself or abandoned me in the chaos. 

He doesn’t ask me to make sense of the chaos. He asks me to trust Him in it. 

You see, He already knows. He knows what’s around the next corner. He knows what I need preparation for. He knows. 

Have you seen Him this past year? Are you laying aside sacred time to spend with Him each day? Please don’t miss Him. He’s waiting for you…for me…to put him in his rightful place as number one above all else.

Those few lines I wrote at the beginning of 2019 still ring true to me as this year comes to an end. I don’t know what 2020 holds, but I fully believe He already knows.

He gives us a fresh start each day. A whole new year is on the horizon. I pray He fills me with his Truth more and more. That He shows me how to truly be a help to others. That He brings restoration. For focus and understanding on how to take the next right step. That He draws me closer and closer…submerging me in His Spirit. To have a heart that loves Him more than I could ever imagine.

Goodbye 2019.

Eternally His,

Tracy