Lament

This story of lament has been unfolding for twelve years. Twelve years of unraveling the last bit of family yarn.

It’s funny how some years I needed my phone to be flooded with texts. Other years I needed it silent. There is no rhythm to grief. It’s unique for each person and no one year is the same as another.

I find it’s those who haven’t suffered great loss that try to come up with a textbook understanding. The problem is there’s no amount of pages that can give a first hand account like the person who tucks their battered shoes under a bench each day. It’s that person who knows human language doesn’t contain descriptive words for lament roads traveled.

The Psalms get close. Jesus is even closer. He offers brief glimpses of it in scripture. Oh, but in Spirit…He knows about it perfectly and fully. He is the one walking with the bleeding and crushed. He bandages every wound.

A loss is the end of something that you don’t get back.

I surrender the pain, the loss, the broken to God. He knows all the things that have been taken from me and He wants to hear my cry. He wants to be my balm. He wants to love and comfort me through the, “I don’t understand, how much longer, the why and how, I just can’t, please help me,” and all the other messy things that come with grief.

He wants all of it. When I don’t surrender all, it chokes life out of me. It’s like being an empty shell going through the motions with no peace inside.

There is nothing easy about lamenting. Sometimes it has to be done over a span of time and in layers. The Lord does that to protect. In His grace and mercy He helps the hurting process piece by piece. He doesn’t wound more. In His gentleness he gathers up the ashes and creates beautiful healing.

Please know this…He is the shield around you. He is the collector of your tears. He is the steady rock beneath your knees. He is the voice crying out, “Come to me”. He is the One holding your hand. He will love you all the way through.

There will even be precious times when He brings together broken people. People who risk being vulnerable knowing it’s always a possibility to be hurt in relationship. And still, choosing to gather around a fire…just to be present. With caring and careful questions they want to know about your suffering so the people most precious to you will never be forgotten.

They hold their laments out to the Lord and watch as He tenderly reaches for each one. With tears flowing for each other and the pain, they wait knowing there are losses inside the losses. The lament isn’t over.

Lament cannot be tied in a bow. It actually needs to be untied so that what’s inside can be released. Released to the One who understands how broken brokenness can be.

I’m praying with you and for you and believing that the Lord is taking all that yarn and knitting together a blanket that will offer more comfort than either of us ever imagined!

Hugs, Tracy