Willing to see

Many months have passed since I hit the publish button on here. I didn’t know then what I would be facing in a few short weeks. So many things have been flipped upside down.

Has time slipped through your fingers too? Has one month turned into six or even a year?

I think about writing all the time (aahh…here come the tears). I can barely strap myself in fast enough before the crash happens. Too much, too fast. Too much, too fast. I just hang on for dear life and wait until it’s safe enough to unlatch….but is it ever really.

I’ve spent a lot of time reading since December. Have you ever had books come across your path at just the right time? Books that speak to a season you’re walking through? Words that breathe life back into your weary soul. That’s where I’ve been. On a journey of words reaching areas that I thought no one else could relate to or understand.

Words that caught me off guard as they intersected with the dusty road I was on. Words from one hurt filled traveler to another. Words that pointed me back to the Source of all hope. Words written by others who saw me on the ground and reached out their hands to help me back up. Those words.

Tomorrow I’ll be fifty-two. I was chatting with the Lord last night about my writing. And the night before…and many more before that. He’s the most gentle Father I could ever imagine. He doesn’t shame me for not doing what I know I should do. He continues to lay on my heart the importance of why He wants me to do what He’s asked me to do…and lets me choose if I’ll obey.

I think much of my life has been happening in a state of overwhelmed. I try to hide it, but I know it’s there. He knows it’s there. It’s from that place of overwhelmed that I freeze. I just try to make it through each day. Then the next. And the next. Before I realize it, I’m hours away from turning another year older.

Lately, I’ve been imagining meeting the Lord. My fear is that in my state of frozen I’ll miss my purpose. I’ll look into those loving eyes of His and he’ll already recognize the sorrow he sees when he asks me, “Did you use the gifts and talents I gave you?” And I’ll barely be able to speak with tears streaming down my face….”no, my King”. There won’t be any excuses whispered from my mouth because no is all that matters. He’ll grab me and hug me fully, like I’ve always longed to be hugged.

You see, His love for me doesn’t change if I don’t use the talents he’s gifted me. What happens is I miss out on so much that He prepared me for…and prepared for me. I miss out, not Him. And I don’t want to miss out anymore.

So….here’s to walking away from what doesn’t serve me. Overwhelmed, fear, frozen, doubt, hurt, excuses, apathy, negativity, even sickness- you’re not welcome. You don’t get anymore of my years.

Apart from the Father, Jesus, the Holy Spirit, and His Word there is no hope! The trials and challenges that happen are potential hope stealers.

“I have told you these things so that in me you may have peace. You will have suffering in this world. Be courageous! I have conquered the world.” John 16:33 (CSB)

“You will seek me and find me me when you search for me with all your heart.” Jeremiah 29:13 (CSB)

I’m ready to see beautiful again. To abide in Him. To welcome each new day with anticipation and expectation. To set my table with His daily bread and Fruit of the Spirit.

Come on, sweet sister, there’s a chair for you too.

Earnestly seeking Him,

Tracy

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