How much don’t we know about the people we pass by daily? We certainly don’t wear signs around our necks with the list of life experiences we’ve had so far. Many of us keep hurts tucked away close to our heart & share with only the trusted few.
I believe there’s a time to share a piece of those moments in hopes of another realizing they aren’t alone on this stormy earth. There are similarities to share but never exactness. We can relate to the heaviness of the hurt.
I don’t have the answers for why some of us get a mighty heavy load but I do know that the growth, stretching & trust that happens is huge. The Lord has been pressing on me that it’s time to share a little more about myself, so with that…. I guess it’s time.
I have some special trees. There’s one that is for my sweet baby I never got to hold. We planted a tree fairly recent after that loss. Ugh….that tree. It never flourished. It was the sickliest looking tree ever. I got to where I didn’t even like that tree anymore. It became a symbol of earthly sickness & I wanted it gone. I asked my husband for years to cut it down.
It’s not his fault he didn’t see what I saw. I carried that baby inside of me. I heard that heart beat visit after visit at my appointments. I saw that precious little one on the ultrasound. My body was connected to the life of this baby. I felt the pains. I saw the blood. I heard no heart beat on the machine. I carried my wee one around waiting for my body to release. I had the sickening surgery when the baby’s human shell wouldn’t leave my body. I had the grieving time of empty arms. I had the uncontrollable bleeding at home a few weeks later. I had the ambulance ride. I had the second surgery. Me. Please don’t get me wrong…I know it’s not all about me but you see, there was a difference in what we went through individually. He couldn’t see what I saw in that tree.
I was so done with that tree. I don’t even remember when it was but I took the clippers to that thing. I started cutting off branches & there it stood. A small trunk, no branches tree. I’d love to say it was therapeutic but it wasn’t. All I knew is I needed a symbol of life, not of death.
I did get a new tree. It’s a beautiful maple tree that sits alone. I can see it out of my kitchen window. The size doesn’t show the years it represents but that’s ok. I know the years. That sweet baby was between my first born twins & my youngest son. That’s a lot of years ago, friend…a lot.
I still have the ultrasound pictures & the little stuffed animal the doctors office gave me. Like the hurt, it’s also tucked away along with all the memories of that season. The physical objects are in a container & my pain is in the hands on my Savior.
I had said “trees” & yes, there are 2 more. There are a pair of oak trees out next to the barn. I can see those from a different window in the kitchen. The mighty oak…we wanted trees that were mentioned in scripture. If I could do it over, I would let my son pick the type of tree.
Those oaks are for my twins. You just don’t separate twins. The reality of life may have, but I couldn’t. Those trees stand strong together. As you may have already guessed, one is for my son, Jacob, who went back to his Heavenly Father in 2011. The other is for my son, Joshua, who is very much still here with us but is also always with his twin brother. That’s all I’m going to say about that.
Jake’s memorial tree is a sign of life.
Why tell you this? I know I could have left out descriptive details & believe it or not I actually did! I’m telling you all this to say that I may not understand your specific walk but I can relate to the empty arms….Standing next to a child’s grave site… & the puddles of pain that comes with all of it. What I want you to hear is that there is hope! Not in this world but in Christ. There is no other hope that brings healing. Please reach for that hope. He is always there & always waiting for you.
Keep your eyes on Jesus. He gets it…he understands everything. Next time you’re out, remember the person next to you might have a whole lot inside that no one knows about. Take your life experiences & use them for good. Share them with others. Never…Give…Up! The enemy would like nothing more than to see us get buried in our hurt. Instead, rise up…claim victory & live…hurts & all….it’s time!
I know there’s a line in this song that says it’s time to put it in your past…trust me, in no way am I ever saying ‘let it go’. I actually cringe when people say that to me. I love this song but as with anything else, it’s not perfect 😉 It’s still a really good song!