Tag Archives: Storms

Lean

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Can I ask a question?

What do you lean into?

When the push comes that nearly knocks you off your feet. When the life you never expected looks back at you in the mirror. When the unimaginable becomes reality. When the day in and day out struggle is more than you can bear.

Where do you lean?

I find myself having to do a heart check every now again to sort through my own answer to that question.

Of course my quick answer is, “I lean into the Lord”, but do I really as much as I long to and know that I should?

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Life can be a series of trials with some regrouping time in between. Each hard season has the opportunity to refine me if I lean into the right things.

My flesh wants to lean into my opinion, my own understanding, my ideas, my plans, my pain. Sometimes it wants to lean into people and all of their opinions, ideas, plans, and pain.

If I’m honest, that fleshly response seems easier when in reality all I’m doing is taking the long way around to where the Lord is trying to lead me.

If I value anything more than the Lord then my leaning will be toward the wrong thing.

Who I am & Who’s I am needs to be rooted in the Savior…first & foremost…always & forever.

Where I need to lean brings life. I need to lean into God’s Word. I need to lean into His presence. I need to lean into worship. I need to lean into my identity as his chosen daughter.

Psalm 18:1-2 “I love you, Lord, my strength. The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.”

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From that leaning place is where I’ll be steady enough to face what this world brings. There are moments when my leaning in can look more like a grasping on.

Do you believe that His hand is out to you? Do you trust that He will lift you out of the deep pit? I’m on the other side of this screen telling you- YES- He really truly does. I am living proof that it’s real. You just need to lean His way & lift up your hand.

Even when it seems no one else sees you or understands…He does.

These painful places can strengthen us if we let them. The enemy wants to destroy us. He wants us to lean into the wrong things.

Proverbs 3:5-8 “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not lean on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make straight your paths.
Be not wise in your own eyes; fear the Lord, and turn away from evil. It will be healing to your flesh and refreshment to your bones.”

Do you see what that says? Healing & refreshment!

Friend…this I do know- our God is mighty enough to have the entire world lean into Him. There’s room for you too! How about we both lean together?

Forever Holding onto Hebrews 10:23

Tracy

 

 

 

 

How long

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There I was making dinner, listening to worship music and thinking. Before I knew it the question came rushing back again…

“How long, Lord?”

It’s a question I’ve been asking a lot lately.

I never imagined my life would look like this.

I wonder…have you been there too? It’s a difficult place to be, isn’t it?

Please hear me, I trust & love the Lord deeply. I know He sees what I can’t & can redeem anything. All according to His will and timing.

Knowing that doesn’t mean that I won’t feel pain & frustration. Actually, it’s in the knowing that I experience all the emotions.

When the wave of how longs come in I have to steady myself on the Rock.

How long…

…before relief

…will he stay gone

…until my family is restored

…will the oppression last

…until healing

…do I stay silent

…before this is over

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Oh my friend, the list of how longs has so many possibilities, doesn’t it?

I want to share some hope with you that the Lord shared with me-

Psalm 27 

Psalm 33

Those Psalms are so rich with meaning. Each & every verse spoke to my heart only in the way that He can.

Both of those Psalms ended with an instruction to “wait for the Lord.” He is my blessed hope and I will wait.

In the waiting I need to stay close to Him. It’s the only way I’ll be able to take each next step.

I am gifted by a personal Savior who knows my heart better than I do. He hears the concerns in my thoughts.

And…He takes me right to His Word for answers.

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Sometimes the answers don’t come in ways I expect. I want my situation to change and He knows the first change that needs to happen is in my heart.

The enemy wants all the “how longs” to leave me hopeless. My God of hope already has victory over each & every one!

He has walked me through some glorious seasons and some painful ones. There have been valleys, mountaintops and wildernesses. He’s been by my side the entire way. When I start to feel lonely & afraid it’s because I wandered away…He didn’t.

This is the song that was playing when my most recent how long showed up-

More Like Jesus

If more of You
Means less of me
Take everything
Yes, all of You
Is all I need
Take everything

You are my life and my treasure
The one that I can’t live without
Here at your feet my desires and dreams, I lay down
Here at your feet my desires and dreams, I lay down

With hands spread open in front of me I lay down my dreams & plans.

Dear Lord, in the waiting please fill me with more of You. I want You to be the treasure that I seek. Please forgive me. I trust You with whatever outcomes you decide. Please help me rest in Your strength. Use my life for your purposes. I am blessed to be Your agape loved chosen daughter. Please create in me a clean heart and renew a right spirit in me. I am lost without your divine direction. In Jesus precious name I pray…Amen.

If you been asking ‘how long’ please don’t give up hope. God hears. God knows. God cares.

Saved by his grace,

Tracy

Scar searching

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I never thought I’d be searching through my scars. I’ve always seen them as life battle wounds. I knew they told a story to me, but I didn’t realize they might be a place of hope for others.

My scars are sacred places where Jesus has walked.

The ‘searching through’ is because I don’t have a clear vision on the balance of how much to share. I don’t want a circumstance to speak louder than the way my Savior met me and helped me through.

The Lord has laid on my heart for a very long time that helping others gives purpose to the pain.

Each step He’s asked me to take in this area has been stretching & hard. It’s also been restoring. He never asks me to do things without Him or aside from his strength. That’s how I’ve been able to take the steps I’ve taken so far.

“Share how your oils have helped you…share your testimony” – “I don’t think I can, Lord. It’s all too close to my heart.” – “Share, offer my hope and point them back to me.”

“Write. Use the words & talent I’ve given you “- “I don’t think I can, Lord. It’s all too close to my heart.” – “Write, offer my hope & point them back to me.”

I’ve been doing both of those things for well over eight years now. I’ve stumbled, stopped, ran, and been more vulnerable than I ever thought possible. He has never left me.

He waits ever so patiently for me to learn from my mistakes. He shows me when I start to make it about me. He forgives me when I disobey. He leads me through the unknowns. He creates beauty from my messes. He shepherds me through it all.

He reveals more & more as each next step is shown…and the next…and the next.

Psalm 119:105 ” Your word is a lamp for my feet and a light on my path.” (CSB)

sunlite path

I realize now that what I thought was a hefty beginning those years back was only a scratching of the surface. It was all preparation practice for what was coming.

Those scars that I have. He’s been the balm for them all these years. Now…now He’s asking me to show them a little bit more. He wants me to see their beauty.

“Redeem your pain by investing in others. Use your scars for My purposes.” – “Oh Lord, I don’t even know what that looks like. I believe I can do all things through You, but how do I do this? How?”

Every place I turn- bible reading, daily devotionals, prayer studies & books… it’s everywhere! I can’t escape what He’s asked me to do. The confirmations have been around every corner.

Now… I wait for the how.

I went for a walk today & was sharing my concerns with the Lord. Truth be told, I’m worried that I’ll botch everything up & not bring Him glory. Oh how gracious & merciful He is!

I’m currently reading Your Scars Are Beautiful to God by Sharon Jaynes. My goodness… the timing is no coincidence! The content in this book is kicking my tail.

As I look back I realize that for the past year or so the ground works been being laid. Out of every hard thing came another arrow that eventually led me to right here. Scar searching.

I’d like to share a few quotes from Sharon’s book with you-

“I see our scars as priceless treasures that our Master has entrusted to us. We can choose to invest those treasures in the lives of others or we can choose to hide them because of fear.”

“Satan wants to use our past to paralyze us. God wants to use our past to propel us. The choice is ours.”

“I have always heard people say, “Time heals all wounds.” But I disagree. Time does not heal. Only God can heal all wounds.”

I’m still making my way through the book and I have section after section underlined.

You guys, life can have some really hard seasons in it. I don’t know exactly what or how scar sharing looks like yet, but for now He has me scar searching. All in worship to Him.

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My bible has 2 Corinthians 4 broke up into three titled sections:  ‘The Heart of the Gospel’, ‘The Treasure of the Gospel’ & ‘The Eternal Perspective of the Gospel’. I believe gospel centered living has scars woven all through it.  The chapter is overflowing with hope.

“We always carry the death of Jesus in our body, so that the life of Jesus may also be displayed in our body.” 2 Corinthians 4:10

The scars He has are from my desperate need for him. My scars are to draw me closer to Him. How can I not use them to glorify Him?

During my walk I was reminded again about time. The days I have remaining are surely less than what I’ve lived. I don’t want to waste them on myself. I want to use them for my God, my King…my Savior.

Do you have scars that could offer His hope to others? Maybe it’s time for some searching. I promise…He will lead the way. Don’t let the enemy paralyze you with fear. Those scars you have…they are victorious battle wounds Jesus redeemed. Worthy to be shouted about from the mountaintops…all in His name!

His daughter,

Tracy

Quitting isn’t an option

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I can’t tell you how many times I’ve wanted to quit some really hard things that the Lord has had me walk through.

It’s not easy to admit, but quitting has always seemed “easier” to me. Which is a complete lie, because all that ends up happening is I detour myself the long way around. I end up facing the same thing. The circumstance may be different but the learning and refining process is the same one I tried avoiding.

He has sure been having me come face to face with quitting…and what’s at the heart of it.

It’s when things get hard & messy…and they will get hard & messy, that us humans tend to get a little misguided.

What happens when we pray about something, read scripture, seek His direction and are led a certain way? We get humbled & excited, right? We are ready to obey & go!

Then hard sets in, our efforts don’t seem to be producing much fruit & we’re running into one dead end after another.  We tell ourselves that this must not be God’s plan after all. Sadly, this is where many abandon ship & quit.

I don’t know about you…but, goodness have I ever.

Did He lead me there? YES. Did He lay that direction on my heart? YES…and then I let my feelings start to cloud my vision.

He wants me to fully depend on him, not myself. He wants me to persevere and endure. I need to commit to trusting Him in the unknowns.

Hebrews 12:1-3

I must…wait on Him, his timing & his way.

These refining moments weed out all my plans. If I’m honest, the hard times expose so much about me.

Instead of running from that, I need to own it.

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When things don’t go as “planned” how easily do we claim we must have misheard Him. God did-didn’t-did-didn’t.

He doesn’t change his mind like a light switch. That’s usually us.

So many times we miss the character refining & blessing because we quit.

We quit on Him.

We quit on ourself.

We quit on others.

I know I shifted from I to we & there’s a reason. I’m pretty sure I’m not the only one that struggles with quitting when things seem hopeless.

Quitting can’t & shouldn’t be my default. Especially when I don’t understand what’s going on, or what the Lord is doing. I don’t have to understand- I just have to follow hard after Him and let his strength be mine.

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“Oftentimes God allows our scenarios in life to get hopeless—He allows our efforts to become fruitless—He allows our knowledge and instincts to prove useless in order that we will see that it is He who works within, through and for us with His power.

He does this because He wants you, like Peter, to witness Him come through for you in your hopeless situation so that you will experience Him and trust Him in the way that He wants to be experienced by you.” – Tony Evans

He refines us because he loves us. Quitting isn’t an option.

I’d like to share Ephesians 3: 16-21 with you-

“I pray that he may grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with power in your inner being through his Spirit, and that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. I pray that you, being rooted and firmly established in love, may be able to comprehend with all the saints what is the length and width, height and depth of God’s love, and to know Christ’s love that surpasses knowledge, so that you may be filled with all the fullness of God. Now to him who is able to do above and beyond all that we ask or think according to the power that works in us— to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus to all generations, forever and ever. Amen.” (CSB)

My prayer is that you & I can really believe and rest in the truth of this scripture.

My friend, when things don’t go the way we think they should & struggles come let’s remember Who we serve, why we serve him & what our life is truly for.

There is purpose in the hard! Romans 5:3-5

Loved beyond measure,

Tracy

A Heart Check

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Crisis has a way of revealing what we value.

What we treasure.

 

It shows what we hold tightly to & where our affections lie.

 

Each of us is devoted to something.

 

I have to ask myself…if “this” was taken away what would my hearts response be?

 

Possessions are things that don’t last. Some of them can bring comfort, ease and are even helpful…but they have no eternal value.

Are my things more valuable to me than my God?

 

It’s always in crisis, uncertainty & the uncomfortable that the Lord draws me closer.

 

He knows my flesh better than I do. He sees when something starts to rule my life.

There is only one King & one kingdom that I want to long for and love wholeheartedly.

 

I was not born for myself.

I was born to use my days to glorify the very one who died in my place.

 

My things…they didn’t die for me.

Actually…truth be told…they nearly strangle me.

 

This world is broken.

It can be hard to admit, but each of us adds to the broken.

I know I do.

 

Do we love how Jesus exampled to love?

What I see from scripture is a selfless servant type love. A sacrificial, complete love. A compassion for the humbly broken.

 

As each day passes, I know frustrations are rising. I’m right there too. These are difficult times.

Many will lose a lot.

What I try to focus on is remembering I have today. I’m thinking about people who can’t say goodbye to their dying loved one inside the hospital. I think about all the elderly who are in facilities confined to their rooms with no outside interactions…and some of them are dying alone too. I’m thinking about the burdened workers who are emotionally & physically exhausted. I’m thinking about the helpless who are trapped inside their unsafe homes. I’m thinking about the lost, the scared, the sick.

And I’m praying that somehow, someway they can hear about the hope in Jesus. Will someone tell them?!

 

The Lord gives us talents & gifts to use to point others to him. Are we?

Because at the end of the day…there was only today. How did we use it?

 

What this quarantine living has shown me is a whole new depth of selfishness. I have no words to describe it.

Hard times expose.

 

There are some who are rising up, seeing needs & compassionately doing all they can. They are measuring their words and actions carefully, and sincerely asking themselves will this help or harm.

Then there are others.

 

With this hardship comes the gift of time for many of us sheltered at home.

What are we doing with this gift?

 

There’s always good available in anything we walk through…if we would only look.

 

Could we ask ourselves….

-have I helped anyone today

-what changes do I need to make in myself 

-am I being productive & serving others

-am I pointing others to Jesus

or

-am I filling myself with whatever I want as I wait for this whole thing to be over

-are my actions pushing people away from even wanting to know more about Jesus

 

Every day we have a choice to make.

 

Extremes have an effect on us. This is definitely an extreme.

 

We should come out of this different people than when it started.

 

The question is-

will we be more self-focused or less?

 

The voice we hear the most is our very own.

Is it drowning out the Holy Spirit?

 

I’d like to challenge us all to stop looking at circumstances & look up. Ask Him what image we’re bearing right now with our thoughts & actions.

The heart of why we do something matters.

My prayer is that when this is over, we’ll look a lot more like Jesus & a lot less like the world.

Mark 10v45

Saved by His grace,

Tracy

 

 

Sunrise

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I can always count on the sun rising each morning. It’s a steady event. One that happens each new day that the Lord provides.

With that sunrise comes His mercy. His grace. His love. Forgiveness. Direction. Guidance. His presence doesn’t rise & set like the sun…it’s a constant. Oh, do I ever need that constant.

What is unknown is what will happen each day.

There will be phone calls that change realities forever. Unexpected letters that explode hearts into a million pieces. Emails, pictures & texts that alter walking through each day. There will be grief and loss. Confusion & devastation. Abandonment & sorrow. Betrayal & brokenness. Complete cutoffs.

As the sunrise turns into a new day, there will be so many opportunities for hurt…but in all that hurt there’s hope. Hope in what doesn’t change…Him. He never ever changes.

I can wake up being haunted by the hurts of yesterday and He’s there. 

I can start each day with a deep heaviness and He’s there. 

I can open my eyes and not know how to start another day and He’s there. 

In the deepest hurt…He’s there. He’s always there.

sunrise

He knows what will happen as the sunrise appears on the horizon. He goes before & he leads. He holds out his hand & walks his sheep through each day.

That’s the hope I’m talking about. I know situations can feel hopeless, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t hope. True hope isn’t found in a person or a thing. It’s found in the Savior and His Word.

The walls inside my home have seen many tears. But outside– I can step outside and His beautiful sunrise is there each morning. It doesn’t have to stay outside either. His light can penetrate through every single crack & shine hope onto each tear-stained spot.

That same hope is for all the broken. Are you broken? He can help! Cry out to Him for his mercies and he will provide. I’m not saying it’s easy, because it’s not…but you don’t have to do it alone. He will lead you and love you in ways that you never thought possible.

I’m walking this path longer than I ever thought, but do you know what? I haven’t lost my hope. It’s actually growing. There are things that He needs to change in me to help draw me closer to him.

Will you love me after devastating phone calls? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me when others hurt you? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me if your dreams are not my plan for you? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me if I take away the children I placed in your care? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me when your life is painfully hard? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me when I allow more brokenness to walk through the door? Yes, Lord. Yes. I love you more & more.

The sun will rise again tomorrow. For right now, it’s today. With hope in my heart, I will follow my Shepherd wherever he leads.

All The Way My Savior Leads Me 

Forever His sheep,

Tracy

#Psalm23Study #MyShepherdlovesme

 

Anchor

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I went for a walk down the lane to clear my head and have some quiet time with the Lord.

Right away I noticed how cracked & hard the ground is from a lack of rain. Things tend to make more sense when we see a cause and effect situation with our eyes, but what about when we can’t.

Everyone has circumstances surrounding them this very second. Some have simple explanations, like a lack of rain & others don’t. It’s the ‘others’ that can be such a struggle.

Lord, help us not to just see our circumstances, but to search for You in them.

I’d guess the plants I was walking by have pretty shallow roots. Ever since the seed went in the ground, the rains have halted. Plants need a deep watering to have deep roots.

It’s like us. If I only sprinkle my day with a quick prayer & a few verses then my roots don’t have much to draw on. I need a daily downpour to have roots that can anchor me in His strength.

Colossians 2:6-7 

anchor

The hope of Jesus is an anchor for our soul. I believe that with every ounce of everything in me. I can sink myself into His entire being to find hope.

Hebrews 6:19

Sweet friend, are your days hard right now? All I can offer is…Jesus. Please reach for the only One that can ease the pain. There is nothing else. Only Jesus. He fully understands.

It’s in the vast areas of water that anchors need to be mighty to go into the depths. During our stormiest times, we have an anchor unlike no other. He is the Great I AM!

Are you anchored in Him?

God’s Word is the rope that attaches us to the Anchor. Worship. Prayer. Scripture Meditation…each is a strand that adds to this indestructible rope.

It’s in the most uncertain times that growth happens. The hard ground & cracks of life can be used to bring Him glory.

Will you join me in trusting Him with the unseen’s & searching for Him in the midst?

Adopted by Him,

Tracy

 

 

 

 

Entrusting the One

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There will be days, months…even years that shake you.

The unexpected can leave you—

facing each day with the same raw realities, climbing out of bed with weights on your heart & feet. Sunrise bringing new mercies that you desperately need, but the heaviness…oh, the heaviness.

It’s a hard place to be.

I can honestly say, I’m probably two steps ahead or behind you…traveling a road I never wanted to be on. I’m fairly certain more roads are to come. Until the Lord takes me home, there’s going to be rough paths here & there.

Strahlengang 3

Do you know what the good news is in all of that? I don’t travel alone. He doesn’t abandon His own. Ever.

The day that He opened the door & embraced me- sin stained, rebellious, prideful, broken, lost me…is the moment I gained a forever Father. Jesus fully loves me. So much that He died for me.

It’s because of all that He is that I can strap His sandals over mine & journey on.

If I’m carrying too many other things, I can’t fully hold onto Him. My grip will loosen on something. It can’t be Him.

So what do we do when the heaviness of the load becomes too much? Eventually, I let go—

entrusting people & situations to the One who set me free is the best possible thing I can do. I can’t handle the choices of others. I can’t change losses. I can’t heal hurts. I can’t prevent things from happening. I wasn’t created to do any of that.

The losses…I entrust to Him.

The pain & hurt…I lay at His feet.

The unimaginable…I surrender.

I don’t do it perfectly.  Even my letting go is messy & that’s OK. He knows I’m still learning. Still growing. It’s when I don’t let go that it’s not OK. If I hang on too tight or too long then the weights get heavier & I start sinking.

How do I know this? Because I’ve done it.

I wish I could give you step by step instructions, but I can’t. The letting go process has no time table. There’s no ‘right way’. All I can offer is stay close to Him, His Word, prayer & you’ll know when it’s time. The Holy Spirit will guide you.

‘Letting go’ is a phrase that’s misused by many. The thing is, with letting go, I have to be ready. It can’t be forced. Do you know what, “I have to be ready means?” It means I fully turn to the Lord, fully trust Him, fully release my wounds into his Hands. Fully.

Bumps will come. I don’t know what or when they’ll be or who will be involved. When it’s a child or someone very close to you, those unexpected’s can feel like someone dropped a load of bricks on your chest. There is just no way to prepare.

I entrust it all to the only One who can help. I need help. Always. When the season of unexpected is long, I need even more of His help. I can’t make sense of certain things. What I can do is let Him chisel away at the parts of me that need to go, so not only can I survive, but actually thrive.

bible at sunrise

It’s a special type of thriving. Everything tends to stay “messy” on the outside, but a ray of His light rises up hope inside. He lifts a few of the weights off & I roll out of bed, onto my knees and offer Him the day.

Lord, please use my life for Your glory. May I rest in Your endless mercies. Continue to bring restoration according to Your will. I know there’s a divine purpose for all of this. I trust You, even if I never see the end result.

Eternally His,

Tracy

 

 

Waves

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Recently, I was looking at an old picture of my boys jumping in some waves. When I glance at that picture, I want to scoop up all my kids & run to the only safe place there is. Straight into the arms of Jesus. Proverbs 18:10

Lake Michigan provided the best salt free waves ever. It also produced a lot of angst in my mama heart from the shoreline. I knew the undertow was always a threat to their safety.

Those days seem so long ago. I stared at it for quite awhile remembering how much fun they had. Eventually, I couldn’t see past my tears. One simple picture is a reminder of so much loss.

The baby that was on the beach with me is getting ready to turn sixteen. Each of the boys reached adulthood. All of them experienced life waves that crashed over much harder than any lake ever could. The powerlessness I felt from the shore was nothing compared to how helpless I’ve been to spare my children from the dangers of the world.

It’s funny how as a parent, you think you can protect your kids. Reality is, we’re just as human as they are. I can provide, teach, try to prepare them, and set up safeguards. I can’t actually fully protect anyone. There’s only one Savior & he is the ultimate Protector.

As my faith continued to grow, I realized the best thing I could do for my kids was get on my knees. Two things should happen at the birth of a baby. Parents should be given knee pads for all the praying that’ll take place & little ones should receive a seat belt for the bumps ahead. 

One of the challenges of becoming a believer in my adult years was trying to guide my kids at the same time I was learning. The very ones He entrusted me with & placed in my care are the ones I failed the most. Waves have shown me who’s ways are truly trustworthy.

Pointing them in the right direction meant pointing them to Christ. My trust in Him far outweighs my certainty in anything else. I wish I could say that I did it perfectly, but I was no where near.

My kids had a broken mom…but they had a perfect Savior. I prayed He would fill in all my gaps while they were under my care. There’s only one left in the house now & I’m still broken. On earth, I’ll always be broken. But not Jesus. He is still perfect…forever perfect.

Jesus redeems everything. In His time & in His way. Broken people. Hurts. Losses. All of it. That…my friend…brings me hope.

lake michigan waves

The wave jumping days are memories now. Good ones. If I close my eyes, I can hear the sound of laughter & yells over the roar of the water. I’m grateful for that. When I open my eyes, I see the remains of the reality that was to come. All I can say is…”It is well with my soul.”

Life will always have hidden undertows- in & out of the water. Waves of many sizes will come our way. The Almighty is the only place to find shelter. Psalm 91:1-2  

Rocks & sand collide in the turmoil of waves, and create smooth objects. It’s an image of being refined. We can experience deep pain as each wave rolls over us. The end result is a transformation that has His fingerprints all over it. We’re being made new.

None of us can stop waves. What we can do is call out to Him, reach up & grab his mighty hand! He’s right there in the midst!

Praising Him,

Tracy

 

 

Forgiveness

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Forgiveness.

It’s a word that comes with a variety of how to instructions, books, and detailed manuals.

It’s not simple to explain or easy to do.

What it is….is necessary.

I’ve read many books over the years on forgiveness & lots of step by step guides. Most of it has been helpful, even convicting at times. However, there’s one book that lays it all out. One that I return to time & time again…my Bible.

As a follower of Christ, forgiveness is at the core of my salvation. The Lord forgave all of my sins. Every last one. I didn’t do anything to deserve it & yet, here I stand…in His merciful forgiveness.

I know this truth & there are still times I find myself being half-hearted with it. Every second of every day I should be on my knees pouring out His praise. He didn’t gift me with partial forgiveness & I shouldn’t be giving Him pieces of devotion.

The enemy loves to whisper lies that I’m not really forgiven. Self condemnation rears it’s ugly head. It’s just not true. Jesus’ death on the cross paid the full penalty for my sin. I am His forgiven daughter.

Colossians 2:13-15     Titus 3:4-7     Romans 10:9-10

He provides the ultimate example of what forgiveness looks like. I never come anywhere near to doing it as quickly as God does. I’m not proud of that at all. I’m just being truthful with you. Sometimes it’s a process for me.

People will wound other people. I know I’ve hurt others & have needed to be forgiven. We all act & react out of a state of brokenness.

There are times when even the thought of being able to forgive someone seems impossible. The hurt is too deep. I can tell you from experience that it is possible. Not from anything we can do in our own strength.

Forgiveness can happen because we are the forgiven. 

Forgiveness isn’t forgetting. It’s forgiving, and we’re commanded to forgive…to bring Him glory.

Colossians 3:13     Matthew 6:14-15     Ephesians 4:29-32     Luke 6:37-38

forgive

Can I share with you for a minute? Not long ago, I faced a hard season. I knew I had to forgive someone very near & dear to me…but I couldn’t. I would sit outside staring at the horizon, crying out to the Lord. I could not find forgiveness for this person.

It was tearing me apart inside. Distancing me from true fellowship with the Holy Spirit. I was angry. Broken. Betrayed. Disillusioned. Hurting deeply. I had no idea where to start.

The unimaginable walked through my door & I wanted it to walk right back out.

Words & actions can’t be taken back. Sometimes…they destroy. That’s where I was. Sitting in the middle of destruction, begging Him to pull me out.

I kept seeking His help. Sobbing…sitting in silence…shattered. Days turned into months.

I would get glimpses of forgiveness & think I was getting closer, only to watch it slip  away…time & time again. The internal conflict was endless.

My daughter kept telling me to go away for a week & have some alone time. Precious time with my Savior always fills me back up with His direction & hope.

I never went. New piles were being added on top of the already existing mess. It was all too much for me. With each heaping load, less of me was left.

I was disappearing, but He was rising.

One thing He showed me when we lost Jake was that I couldn’t walk some roads…but He could. He carries the weak. He does it.

Here I was. Again. He was reminding me when I can’t…He can.

I remember the day. I was outside in my chair. Same spot, same crying, same hurt. I was pleading with the Lord to show me how to forgive.

Pray. Pray for them. 

I had been praying for change & praying about them…all the time. What I hadn’t done was pray for them.  Through sobs, I choked out new prayers. Not prayers about the hurt, or desired change & healing. I fumbled through imperfect prayers that were being lifted to a perfect Savior. He knew I was finally ready.

I had to forgive them as much as I’ve been forgiven. That’s a complete forgiveness. No holding back.

My heart had been hanging onto the hurt for a long time. I needed His heart. The heart where forgiveness resides. I knew I was in sin by not forgiving. Wading through pain is difficult & confusing. I struggled to find my way out, and He never left my side. That, my friends, is a loving God.

I can’t change people or heal wounds. Only Christ can. Surrendering what we have no control over is where healing begins.

Forgiving has no guaranteed relationship outcome.  There are too many variables. The person may not want reconciliation. Maybe they’re already gone. It could be someone you’ll never see again. The point of forgiveness isn’t about what surrounds the situation, because there is no eraser. It’s about our heart. When we won’t forgive, we aren’t free.

I’m still walking this path. I can’t promise that I won’t make mistakes. I have no idea what my responses will be. I do know that my desire is to please my Lord. I want to honor Him. All I can do is keep trying, keep filling myself with His Word, keep changing me, keep hoping, and never forget who the battle is with & Who it belongs to!

Sometimes, sadness does remain. We’re never quite the same after trials. Thankfully, He works out all things, in His way & in His timing. His light shines through every crack. Change is good…getting there is the hard part. It’s a continued breaking of our brokenness.

Do you have unforgiveness in your heart? The Lord sees it. There’s no hiding. Please…talk with Him about it. He really can help. I’m living proof.

Forgiven,

Tracy