Tag Archives: Authentic

Oh those lies

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This quarantine time is interesting.

Back the dumpster up to my door cuz, honestly, I’m ready to start pitching.

So many of these “things” around me seem useless. Empty.

There was one other time in my life that I had this same thought process. It was after losing my son.

When hard seasons like this hit, what has real value and what doesn’t stand miles apart from each other.

My life is cluttered & I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be this way.

Take all these books for example. I love books. I read them & save the good ones just in case my kids might want them.

Do you see the fault in that? I’m making a decision for them that isn’t mine to make.

My life isn’t their life. My hobbies, dreams, talents, etc are passions that the Lord laid on my heart….not there’s.

I’m actually just leaving them a mess to clean up, and I don’t want to do that.

There are times I feel like I’m still in my thirties. Where has twenty years gone. (geez…when did thirty become young & how do I have a son getting ready to turn it)

How many of those years have I lived in the shadow of consequences. Ones by my own choices & ones because of others. I’d say each day has one or the other or even both, because someone, somewhere is always making a choice and choices have consequences.

woman sitting in sunset

Identity.

Just like I don’t get to choose my kids identity, no other human should have the power to determine mine.

And that’s exactly what the Holy Spirit reminded me of the other night.

It’s crazy how when I actually slow down, get isolated in my home, stop running around from one thing to the next that I can become undistracted enough to get fully quiet before the Lord.

This isn’t the first time that identity has been brought to my attention since I became a follower of Christ.

The very next morning, He led me to Mark 14 and there I was. Seeing myself in Peter.

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When I fear man more than having a reverent fear of God I’ve forgotten my true identity. By doing that, I’m denying my Savior…the very one I belong to.

I let the voices of some speak louder than the voice of my God and that is wrong. I have to ask myself-  is this voice sharing opinions or pointing me to the word of God?

Fear of man has dictated my choices for way too long. My very own thoughts can be just as damaging.

“What will they think, will they understand, what will they say, what if they find out, will I let them down, I should do this so___ won’t happen, I need to___ to stop___ , I have to ___, what if ___, I can’t___by myself, how will I ___, what if they lie about me, I just need to try harder, stay quieter, be better”…and the list goes on.” -oh the lies quotes inside my head.

None of that is living in the freedom of Christ that Jesus died for. Freedom in Christ doesn’t mean I can live however I want. It means that I live my days out because of Him and for him.

Galatians 1:10

Proverbs 29:25

After some convicting time in the book of Mark, another cup of coffee & settling back in for more reading, Dr. Tony Evans handed me another round of solid truth-

“Identity theft- when we worry too much about what other people think rather than what God thinks.

Worrying about other peoples acceptance of us is one of the greatest strongholds to over come.

People pleasing strongholds can lead to other strongholds.

It is possible to be more people-oriented than God-oriented.

Satan uses our legitimate need for acceptance in an illegitimate way that can result in us living under a false identity.

You will begin to overcome your stronghold of worrying when you decide what God says about you is most important.

The God, who does not change, loves you with an everlasting love.” -Tony Evans quotes from Kingdom Life daily devotionals.

Do you see how opposite the lies I listen to and real truth are?

I know this! I’ve been reminded of it so many times! …and yet here I am again.

Face to face with repentance and crying out for Spirit led help. I can’t do it on my own. I never could. I can only move forward by cutting the chain of identity lies, daily proclaiming & living out who my identity is in.

My identity is not in this world, anything it has to offer, or the things inside my home.

My identity is a saved by grace daughter of the One true King. A redeemed child.

I’m fairly certain my false fear of man will rear its ugly head again. BUT- there is no stronghold stronger than the ultimate stronghold.

His word is my weapon against all the lies.

“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2 

“But I will sing of your strength and will joyfully proclaim your faithful love in the morning. For you have been a stronghold for me, a refuge in my day of trouble.
To you, my strength, I sing praises, because God is my stronghold—
my faithful God.” Psalm 59:16-17

“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1 

“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: all who follow his instructions have good insight. His praise endures forever.” Psalm 111:10

sunrise picture

We have one life. We have our God given talents, purposes and callings. Are we using them & pursuing a deep relationship with Him or are we forgetting our identity? Is fear of man dictating too much of what we do? I know those are all questions I need to ask myself often.

“Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.” Psalm 25:5

I think it’s time to start sorting through all these things around me and recommit to what matters…AND toss ‘oh those lies’ in the dumpster too.

Gracefully broken,

Tracy

 

 

He Already Knows

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Praying in ways that we think will please.

Hiding our real wants in hopes of praying them away.

Convincing ourselves that if we say the right prayers then He won’t know our true desire. 

He doesn’t need our religion. He wants our submission to His Will. Our whole heart. Our surrender of self.

It’s been almost a year since I wrote those words above. They’ve been sitting as a draft collecting cobwebs. I guess I didn’t know how to finish it. I wonder if He took my thoughts and turned them into a few life lessons instead.

As 2020 draws near, I can look back and say with confidence that I know God was present. Even though some circumstances haven’t changed…I continue to draw closer to Him in them.

I wish change in me would happen much quicker, but easy and fast rarely produce lasting results.

Refining takes time.

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I can add more logs on the fire to try and speed things up, but that’s just it- “I”. That would be me, again, taking steps ahead of the Lord and trying to do things my own way.

Focusing on having the right sounding words is like wrapping a prayer in pretty paper. The presentation is all outward. Once that paper is torn away the contents of the inside are seen. He sees our hearts. If our spoken words don’t match what He already knows about our inside then it’s not very pretty after-all. It’s quite the opposite.

Relationships are two way. Attempts to control will always destroy and leave a trail of brokenness. The relationship we have with Jesus is not exempt. We can not claim Him as our King and continue to try to rule our own kingdom. That’s not relationship. That’s not love.

Surrender of self is nothing like control. It’s me looking at the ‘out of control’ and throwing both hands up in the air and saying, ” Lord, you already know. I am powerless to change anything or anyone. I can only change me- with you, through you and because of you. My life is for You. My talents are for You. My heartbeats belong to You. You created me to worship you, not myself. Aside from You, I don’t know what’s best for me. I need Your constant direction, grace, help and protection. Please cut off the rotten roots in me that lead to sin. Fill me with Your Spirit every hour.”

Submission, surrender…obedience- they are the polar opposite of what the world tells me to do with my life. Those are precious gifts I can give to the One who loves me so much that He paid the debt I could never pay.

Jesus Paid It All 

My steps are always one day closer to being home with Jesus. He hasn’t left me to myself or abandoned me in the chaos. 

He doesn’t ask me to make sense of the chaos. He asks me to trust Him in it. 

You see, He already knows. He knows what’s around the next corner. He knows what I need preparation for. He knows. 

Have you seen Him this past year? Are you laying aside sacred time to spend with Him each day? Please don’t miss Him. He’s waiting for you…for me…to put him in his rightful place as number one above all else.

Those few lines I wrote at the beginning of 2019 still ring true to me as this year comes to an end. I don’t know what 2020 holds, but I fully believe He already knows.

He gives us a fresh start each day. A whole new year is on the horizon. I pray He fills me with his Truth more and more. That He shows me how to truly be a help to others. That He brings restoration. For focus and understanding on how to take the next right step. That He draws me closer and closer…submerging me in His Spirit. To have a heart that loves Him more than I could ever imagine.

Goodbye 2019.

Eternally His,

Tracy

Rescued

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I have been rescued.

I am a rescue story. 

Let’s sit together for a minute while I tell you a bit about my rescue—

This girl right here is a walking image of God’s indescribable grace.

The Lord has been reminding me about my testimony a lot lately. There are many chapters to my salvation story. All of it was leading up to one life saving moment when I would be adopted by the Father above.

Rescue Story 

Jesus met me in my mess. All those years of feeling lost and forgotten were redeemed the moment my hard heart was softened. I had been listening to lies my whole life and could finally hear the voice of Truth.

Shame had keep me in shackles. It dictated my actions and thoughts. I had many lords that ruled over me. Abuse. Addiction. Self-centeredness. Superstition. Control. Regret.

The one true Lord reached down into the pit of ashes I was in and pulled me out.

He carried my soul from death to life in Him. 

I did nothing to earn my eternal salvation. I would never and could never be good enough. It’s a beautiful gift of grace.  My eyes were opened and I finally saw my desperate need to be saved. I searched high & low for relief in the world, only to find more sorrow and fleeting happiness.

I fumbled through my “I’m sorry’s” to God. He already knew the sincerity of my remorse because he could see inside my heart. I had heard the word “repent” before but had no idea what it meant in this context. His grace doesn’t require a perfect understanding of certain words. He is the Perfecter & would work all of that out with me over time. The important thing was my belief in Jesus as my personal Savior & spoken words confessing my need for Him as Lord over my life.

My faith walk hasn’t been easy. Easy was never the promise.

Lies still come & try to drown out the voice of Truth. Valleys have been long. Paths of suffering have been real. But, do you know what? I can raise my hands in praise because those difficulties have actually strengthened my faith. In all the hardship I have seen the goodness of God in ways I never would have.

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Yes…in my humanness, I have struggled. There have been times of wrestling I’ve had to experience with the Lord. All to draw me nearer to my Shepherd and further from myself. I’m an image bearer of my Savior. He daily molds me & chips away at the things that hinder my growth. His scars hold my very own. There is no other love like that!

I have been set free. Free…to point to Jesus. To praise His holy name. To worship with all that’s in me. To share His hope with others.

The same past Jesus saved me from is the very same past that Satan tries to remind me of. I don’t have to listen…I’ve been chosen. Rescued. The enemy used my lack of unforgiveness for myself far too long. I can’t fully listen to two voices. Honestly, how I spend my time determines which voice is louder. I have to be intentional about my minutes & how I use them.

My struggle wasn’t really with my past anyway, but with the enemy of my soul, Ephesians 6:12 , who wants to stop me from sharing about the One true King.

As long is there is breath in my lungs, I will share the Truth that sets souls free. Who I was is not my identity. Who I am is a rescued, forgiven, loved child of God.

Please hear my heart…there is nothing that can’t be forgiven. No one can be ‘too far gone’. His saving grace- full of hope, mercy & love can wash anyone clean.

Have you turned to Him yet and asked for rescue? Please don’t wait another minute. There is no hurt that He can’t heal. This world is so very hard. You don’t have to walk through it alone- there is a Rescuer near.

Thank you for spending some time with me. Let’s meet together real soon, OK?

Rescued by Him,

Tracy

#rescuestory

 

Sunrise

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I can always count on the sun rising each morning. It’s a steady event. One that happens each new day that the Lord provides.

With that sunrise comes His mercy. His grace. His love. Forgiveness. Direction. Guidance. His presence doesn’t rise & set like the sun…it’s a constant. Oh, do I ever need that constant.

What is unknown is what will happen each day.

There will be phone calls that change realities forever. Unexpected letters that explode hearts into a million pieces. Emails, pictures & texts that alter walking through each day. There will be grief and loss. Confusion & devastation. Abandonment & sorrow. Betrayal & brokenness. Complete cutoffs.

As the sunrise turns into a new day, there will be so many opportunities for hurt…but in all that hurt there’s hope. Hope in what doesn’t change…Him. He never ever changes.

I can wake up being haunted by the hurts of yesterday and He’s there. 

I can start each day with a deep heaviness and He’s there. 

I can open my eyes and not know how to start another day and He’s there. 

In the deepest hurt…He’s there. He’s always there.

sunrise

He knows what will happen as the sunrise appears on the horizon. He goes before & he leads. He holds out his hand & walks his sheep through each day.

That’s the hope I’m talking about. I know situations can feel hopeless, but that doesn’t mean there isn’t hope. True hope isn’t found in a person or a thing. It’s found in the Savior and His Word.

The walls inside my home have seen many tears. But outside– I can step outside and His beautiful sunrise is there each morning. It doesn’t have to stay outside either. His light can penetrate through every single crack & shine hope onto each tear-stained spot.

That same hope is for all the broken. Are you broken? He can help! Cry out to Him for his mercies and he will provide. I’m not saying it’s easy, because it’s not…but you don’t have to do it alone. He will lead you and love you in ways that you never thought possible.

I’m walking this path longer than I ever thought, but do you know what? I haven’t lost my hope. It’s actually growing. There are things that He needs to change in me to help draw me closer to him.

Will you love me after devastating phone calls? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me when others hurt you? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me if your dreams are not my plan for you? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me if I take away the children I placed in your care? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me when your life is painfully hard? Yes, Lord.

Will you love me when I allow more brokenness to walk through the door? Yes, Lord. Yes. I love you more & more.

The sun will rise again tomorrow. For right now, it’s today. With hope in my heart, I will follow my Shepherd wherever he leads.

All The Way My Savior Leads Me 

Forever His sheep,

Tracy

#Psalm23Study #MyShepherdlovesme

 

I have a Shepherd who rescues

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Today I started week two of a bible study called Psalm 23 The Shepherd With Me by Jennifer Rothschild. My friend, it’s intense.

When I first can across this study I thought it sounded like a relatable topic for my current season so I decided to jump in.

Well. Jump I did.

I’m also reading New Morning Mercies by Paul Tripp. Because why not…it makes perfect sense to tackle both at the same time. Did I mention that I’m finishing up Enough- Silencing the Lies that Steal Your Confidence by Sharon Jaynes? Don’t let the title of that one fool you. It is not a self help book. It’s a book on lies the enemy likes to whisper & who our identity is in. All deep stuff.

I love to read, but I’m usually a one book at a time gal or I run the risk of crowding out my bible time. There’s the whole daily priorities, goals & side things that vie for my attention and well- you get it, right? Multiple readings can be a challenge.

Thank you, Lord, that you didn’t let me overthink and for your guidance to these books that guided me directly back to You. 

He knows what I need more than I ever could. He is my Shepherd and I am his sheep. There is nothing that can heal me more than the truth of His Word. There is no greater hope. He saw that I was needing rescue again. He heard my SOS.

I am not hidden from my Shepherd.

Psalm 23

Taking a deeper look at how personal Psalm 23 is has been pretty emotional…and extremely comforting.

He is my Rock, my fortress, my deliverer, my light & salvation, my strength & shield, my King, my warrior, my help. I am His & He is mine.

He leads me, guides me, protects me, carries me, saves me, blesses me, watches over me, guards me, directs me, sacrifices for me, provides for me. For me.

That is beyond overwhelmingly amazing. He rescued me from death and continues to rescue me from me.

Rescue 

I was wrecked the first time I heard this song by Lauren Daigle. I cry every single time. I know the lengths He went to for my rescue.  He pulled me out of a lot of darkness. His love runs deeper than any other love. This song puts a visual in my mind of the search & rescue He did for me…his lost lamb.

There are people in my life that need spiritual rescue right now. No matter how much I want it for them or try to think of ways to help…I can’t. I can’t rescue myself or anyone else. All I can do is be the lifter of prayers.

The Holy Spirit is the only heart changer.  I tightly hold onto the hope that He will send out an army for them too.

The Shepherd rescues souls. This sheep is living proof!

If you’d like some extra prayers for yourself or lost loved ones, please reach out to me. I’d love to pray!

Forever in His care,

Tracy

sheep

#Psalm23Study

 

Anchor

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I went for a walk down the lane to clear my head and have some quiet time with the Lord.

Right away I noticed how cracked & hard the ground is from a lack of rain. Things tend to make more sense when we see a cause and effect situation with our eyes, but what about when we can’t.

Everyone has circumstances surrounding them this very second. Some have simple explanations, like a lack of rain & others don’t. It’s the ‘others’ that can be such a struggle.

Lord, help us not to just see our circumstances, but to search for You in them.

I’d guess the plants I was walking by have pretty shallow roots. Ever since the seed went in the ground, the rains have halted. Plants need a deep watering to have deep roots.

It’s like us. If I only sprinkle my day with a quick prayer & a few verses then my roots don’t have much to draw on. I need a daily downpour to have roots that can anchor me in His strength.

Colossians 2:6-7 

anchor

The hope of Jesus is an anchor for our soul. I believe that with every ounce of everything in me. I can sink myself into His entire being to find hope.

Hebrews 6:19

Sweet friend, are your days hard right now? All I can offer is…Jesus. Please reach for the only One that can ease the pain. There is nothing else. Only Jesus. He fully understands.

It’s in the vast areas of water that anchors need to be mighty to go into the depths. During our stormiest times, we have an anchor unlike no other. He is the Great I AM!

Are you anchored in Him?

God’s Word is the rope that attaches us to the Anchor. Worship. Prayer. Scripture Meditation…each is a strand that adds to this indestructible rope.

It’s in the most uncertain times that growth happens. The hard ground & cracks of life can be used to bring Him glory.

Will you join me in trusting Him with the unseen’s & searching for Him in the midst?

Adopted by Him,

Tracy

 

 

 

 

Authentic

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Precious Savior, you are worthy of all. Here is my life…please help me every second of every day to glorify You. Lord Jesus, may authentic be at the core of Your church. Start with me, King Jesus…here-I-am. I am Yours. Forgive me for being so slow. May Your will be done. I pray for an authentic Spirit-led heart. You are worthy of all praise & honor…AMEN.

Far too often, I think many of us try to figure out who we are by using worldly standards instead of searching the scriptures to see who we’re called to be.

We scan over the character traits mentioned in God’s Word, as if they are optional accessories instead of commands.

We put all our effort & energy into everything of this world & offer Jesus scraps of time.

We say we love God but our devotion goes to the internet, a screen, fads, hobbies, jobs, TV & people.

We give each other unspoken permission to continue doing what we want. To keep focusing on what makes us happy & empowered. Words like repent, sanctification & wicked are tossed in a bowl labeled radical.

We attempt to soothe our sin by plucking scripture out of context. Being comfortable in church is more important than humbly seeking the Comforter.

We say we are believers yet our time, attitude & actions show exactly who we have belief in.

We dismiss unwholesome talk by spreading a layer of praise & worship over it.

We’re OK with spending more time with people who don’t sharpen us as a believer & excuse away their active sins VS being with those who offer discipleship & equipping godly fellowship.

We’re afraid of or misunderstand the words “fear God” & yet we show no fear for the wrath of God.

We make our own plans instead of getting our our knees & waiting for God to reveal his plan.

Forgive us, Lord.

I say we because, regrettably, I’ve done each one of these things at some point in my Christian walk. It grieves me to admit…even more than once. I’m guessing I’m not alone.

Thankfully, with God’s mercy & grace there’s hope for an internal change if our heart is humble. Changing comes with growing pains & I’ve had myself plenty. They are painful & hard, but oh so necessary. I know there’s more to come because I’m committed to continuing to change. Even if it’s by one painful tiny half step at a time.

Every change needed follows the realization of something that’s sinful inside, so repentance is the first step. There’s no side stepping it. No short cuts. It’s gotta happen.

I read a devotional & there was a sentence that really stuck out to me…

When we’re authentic to our faith and who we are, God’s presence joins in. Our words and actions reflect who He is, no matter the situation or who’s with us.- Suzie Eller

YES! That’s the goal! I want that!!!!

Authentic people are the best kind of people to be around. Words & actions are a reflection of who we really are on the inside, not who we pretend to be.

Many times, pain is at the root of no growth. Pain masks truth & we can get all cloudy in our thinking. We just want to be accepted, loved & allowed to do what makes us feel better. That all circles around feelings & as Lysa Terkeurst says, “Feelings are indicators, not dictators.”

Authenticity can usher in the healing balm of God’s word IF we get real & stop hiding.

Everything I listed at the beginning had me in chains. A chain of consequence links. Jesus can break any chain of bondage that we face. He really can. Rebellion is all about self. Submission is all about Him.

I don’t know if you’re ready for change.  I do know there’s no faking it. Pretending doesn’t work. I’d love for you to join me in striving to be authentic. I think this world could use some more authentic people, don’t you?

Hanging on HOPE,

Tracy