This quarantine time is interesting.
Back the dumpster up to my door cuz, honestly, I’m ready to start pitching.
So many of these “things” around me seem useless. Empty.
There was one other time in my life that I had this same thought process. It was after losing my son.
When hard seasons like this hit, what has real value and what doesn’t stand miles apart from each other.
My life is cluttered & I’m pretty sure it’s not supposed to be this way.
Take all these books for example. I love books. I read them & save the good ones just in case my kids might want them.
Do you see the fault in that? I’m making a decision for them that isn’t mine to make.
My life isn’t their life. My hobbies, dreams, talents, etc are passions that the Lord laid on my heart….not there’s.
I’m actually just leaving them a mess to clean up, and I don’t want to do that.
There are times I feel like I’m still in my thirties. Where has twenty years gone. (geez…when did thirty become young & how do I have a son getting ready to turn it)
How many of those years have I lived in the shadow of consequences. Ones by my own choices & ones because of others. I’d say each day has one or the other or even both, because someone, somewhere is always making a choice and choices have consequences.
Identity.
Just like I don’t get to choose my kids identity, no other human should have the power to determine mine.
And that’s exactly what the Holy Spirit reminded me of the other night.
It’s crazy how when I actually slow down, get isolated in my home, stop running around from one thing to the next that I can become undistracted enough to get fully quiet before the Lord.
This isn’t the first time that identity has been brought to my attention since I became a follower of Christ.
The very next morning, He led me to Mark 14 and there I was. Seeing myself in Peter.
When I fear man more than having a reverent fear of God I’ve forgotten my true identity. By doing that, I’m denying my Savior…the very one I belong to.
I let the voices of some speak louder than the voice of my God and that is wrong. I have to ask myself- is this voice sharing opinions or pointing me to the word of God?
Fear of man has dictated my choices for way too long. My very own thoughts can be just as damaging.
“What will they think, will they understand, what will they say, what if they find out, will I let them down, I should do this so___ won’t happen, I need to___ to stop___ , I have to ___, what if ___, I can’t___by myself, how will I ___, what if they lie about me, I just need to try harder, stay quieter, be better”…and the list goes on.” -oh the lies quotes inside my head.
None of that is living in the freedom of Christ that Jesus died for. Freedom in Christ doesn’t mean I can live however I want. It means that I live my days out because of Him and for him.
After some convicting time in the book of Mark, another cup of coffee & settling back in for more reading, Dr. Tony Evans handed me another round of solid truth-
“Identity theft- when we worry too much about what other people think rather than what God thinks.
Worrying about other peoples acceptance of us is one of the greatest strongholds to over come.
People pleasing strongholds can lead to other strongholds.
It is possible to be more people-oriented than God-oriented.
Satan uses our legitimate need for acceptance in an illegitimate way that can result in us living under a false identity.
You will begin to overcome your stronghold of worrying when you decide what God says about you is most important.
The God, who does not change, loves you with an everlasting love.” -Tony Evans quotes from Kingdom Life daily devotionals.
Do you see how opposite the lies I listen to and real truth are?
I know this! I’ve been reminded of it so many times! …and yet here I am again.
Face to face with repentance and crying out for Spirit led help. I can’t do it on my own. I never could. I can only move forward by cutting the chain of identity lies, daily proclaiming & living out who my identity is in.
My identity is not in this world, anything it has to offer, or the things inside my home.
My identity is a saved by grace daughter of the One true King. A redeemed child.
I’m fairly certain my false fear of man will rear its ugly head again. BUT- there is no stronghold stronger than the ultimate stronghold.
His word is my weapon against all the lies.
“The Lord is my rock, my fortress, and my deliverer, my God, my rock where I seek refuge, my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.” Psalm 18:2
“But I will sing of your strength and will joyfully proclaim your faithful love in the morning. For you have been a stronghold for me, a refuge in my day of trouble.
To you, my strength, I sing praises, because God is my stronghold—
my faithful God.” Psalm 59:16-17
“The Lord is my light and my salvation—whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life—of whom shall I be afraid?” Psalm 27:1
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom: all who follow his instructions have good insight. His praise endures forever.” Psalm 111:10
We have one life. We have our God given talents, purposes and callings. Are we using them & pursuing a deep relationship with Him or are we forgetting our identity? Is fear of man dictating too much of what we do? I know those are all questions I need to ask myself often.
“Lead me by your truth and teach me, for you are the God who saves me. All day long I put my hope in you.” Psalm 25:5
I think it’s time to start sorting through all these things around me and recommit to what matters…AND toss ‘oh those lies’ in the dumpster too.
Gracefully broken,
Tracy
My Hope 