Monthly Archives: September 2017

What I’m Learning

There is no preparation for what the next moments hold. Even when I think I have a decent idea, I’m pretty much kidding myself. I can’t see tomorrow. My to do lists, piles of unfinished tasks, plans for the days & months ahead keep me busy but that’s about it. To stand & not crumble when the unexpected happens, well… that takes something way more than my human effort.

Psalm 55:22 Give your burdens to the Lord, and he will take care of you. He will not permit the godly to slip and fall. (NLT)

I’ve learned that my world can be turned upside down over & over again. I don’t have control over others or the future. I’ve also learned a deeper trust in the Lord than I ever knew possible. I need His Word at a whole new level. I must constantly surrender to changing. I’ll never be done learning…. not ever. I long to be grateful in all things. Goodness, I need to worship & praise Him much more.

Philippians 1:29 For you have been given not only the privilege of trusting in Christ but also the privilege of suffering for him. (NLT)

As a young mom, I had dreams for my kids. I’m pretty sure all moms do. I think there’s two types of dreams. The ones that parents desire concerning how their children’s future lays out. Then there’s the ones that are purely character related. Who they are inside. Every decision, every action, every choice comes from either a hardened heart or a repentant, transformed soft heart. I’ve learned that I have to completely release them to the Lord. I example right and, unfortunately,  wrong behavior but I don’t choose who they will be. As an older mom, I understand my job is to stay on my knees & pray.

Psalm 51: The sacrifice you want is a broken spirit. A broken and repentant heart, O God, you will not despise. (NLT)

I’m learning that I can be full of myself or full of Jesus. I for one, don’t need another drop of myself.

Psalm 42:8 Through each day, the Lord pours his unfailing love upon me, and through each night I sing his songs, praying to God who gives me life. (NLT)

I’ve learned that the only thing I have to fear is staying stuck. No matter what my days hold, if I take my eyes off Jesus & put them on my circumstances then I’m in trouble. Change of me requires change in me.

Psalm 46:1-3 God is our refuge and strength, always ready to help in times of trouble. So we will not fear, even if earthquakes come, and the mountains crumble into the sea. Let the oceans roar and foam. Let the mountains tremble as the waters surge! (NLT)

I’ve learned that it must be well in my soul. My soul can not lose hope. The hope it’s attached to is Jesus. That is the only solid ground.

Storms, trials & tragedies come. There are so many examples of believers who use their sorrows to glorify the Savior. I looked up the meaning behind the song, It Is Well With My Soul. Oh, to have a mature faith like that. My prayer is that I can always choke out those words… It is well with my soul.

In Christ,


My Forgotten Draft

I sat down to blog & I found this unfinished draft. *can you hear the sigh* I’m reading it & I’m pretty sure it got too painful so I stopped. I can’t believe I forgot about it. I never leave my blog in a draft that long.

When I write, I usually go somewhere quiet. It can be emotionally draining & uplifting all at the same time. I have zero control over the tears & I’d much rather be alone for that. It’s a release of sorts. I’m also easily distracted. Once I’m focused, I plug away at it until the words stop. All those reasons are why I wait for solitude & I can’t always find it every week. I’d appreciate some prayers as I attempt to carve out weekly time devoted to writing.

Now, back to the forgotten draft…..


2 Corinthians 1:3-4  All praise to God, the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is our merciful Father and the source of all comfort.  He comforts us in all our troubles so that we can comfort others. When they are troubled, we will be able to give them the same comfort God has given us. (NLT)

This passage has a lot of meaning to me. God is my ultimate perfect Comforter. He comforts me. He has carried me through a walk I never expected. Verse 4  is clear that because of His divine comfort, I can in turn comfort others.

Who can I comfort? I can offer hope to the moms crawling through the horrid reality of child loss.

I read a book one summer & at the time I had no idea why. It wasn’t my typical read & I can’t even remember why I bought the book. The book was Choosing to See by Mary Beth Chapman. I remember finishing that book & feeling so sad. It was one of those heavy – “Oh that poor thing, how awful”- moments. I felt really bad for her. I couldn’t begin to imagine what she was going through.

Shortly after, I was that mom.

There’s no way I could have understood her hurt from reading that book. There are no descriptive words to truly share what happens inside of a mom. You are forever changed. Very little people understand it. I know I didn’t.

Let’s stop here for a second….

Oh goodness, if you’re that precious mom- I’m so sorry. Can I please share a few minutes with you? You will hear hurtful things. It’s usually from well meaning people- move on, you have other kids, I lost my grandma, you’re stuck, how did it happen, heaven has another angel, it was their time, your other children need you, get over it, you can have more kids, it’s time to move forward, don’t you think it’s been long enough & about a handful of other things. Forgive them. Offer them grace. Smile & silently pray. You’ll never be able to get them to comprehend what they haven’t experienced. (on rare occasions if it’s the same person then you might need to gently share that their words are hurtful)

You’ll be misunderstood. You’ll be placed in a category. You’ll lose some friends. You’ll see everything differently. You’ll experience first’s- a first Christmas, birthday, family picture, Mother’s Day, their favorite recipe, their 1 year death date & many more. You’ll see a shirt they would like in the store. You’ll search. Your thinking will change. You’ll have triggers that take you back. You’ll cry. You’ll remember. You’ll ache inside with a pain you had no idea existed. 

The first year is a year of numb. I truly believe it’s because the Lord knows we can’t take the full grieving amount at once. I don’t tell you all this to paint a bleak picture. I share this so you know that what you’re experiencing is a part of what happens to all of us inside where no human sees. Our losses are different & our stories are different but we have a common thread. As moms who have lost a child, that’s the closest we’ll get to a human that’s able to understand our hurt.

Oh, please hear me. It’s not hopeless. There is hope. It’s God the Father & he is near. Jesus carries you & the Holy Spirit is always present. Cling to Him with every ounce of strength you can muster & He will fill you up with the strength you don’t have. He is the one that fully understands. I can personally testify to this. He breathes life into the pain over & over again. 

Psalm 34:18 The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

Pray without ceasing. Cry out to the Lord every single time you need to. Weep. Let His Word pour over your soul. Listen to worship music. Sing praises & lift your voice up to him in worship. You’ll need a few encouraging, trustworthy people & if you don’t have any then pray for some. Sometimes it’s only one person. The Lord knows exactly who we need in our lives to walk alongside us & our part is to pray them up. When & if it’s time for a new one then He’ll send them as well. He doesn’t abandon his children. He loves you. He is where healing is found.

Back to that book. I looked at it again. I looked at her picture. I was crushed for her. I now understood why she wrote that book. It was to share her story. It was 2 Corinthians 1:3-4.

That’s why I share. That’s why I write about the same thing. That’s why. I’m trying my best to offer a morsel of hope to another mom. There could be one right now…waiting… waiting to hear about hope. You see, I take the comfort that I’ve been given & I share that hope with someone who’s suffering from a common hurt. I may never meet them or even know about them but if they see something I wrote then it’s worth it.

I know not everyone reading this is a mom who lost a child. The great news is the message of God’s hope is for all! If by chance you know a mom who’s suffered in this way please be kind. If she’s quiet, let her be. If she can’t explain, it’s OK. If she wants to talk, listen. If she has hard days on special dates even 6, 15, 25 years later, let her. Words bring either life or death. Choose life.

It’s OK that you don’t understand.  It’s only by walking a certain road that you can fully grasp it. There’s lots of things I don’t understand. We all walk different roads. We have different hurts. We celebrate different victories. Our experiences equip us. They sharpen & change us. We get the privilege of pointing back to the Father, sharing hope & giving grace. I’ll pray for your path & I’d love it if you prayed for mine. Let’s pray for Mary Beth too!

In Christ,